Insane!

Ever since my surgery I have been SO frustrated! The scale keeps going up and up and up and the poundage is increasing such that let me tell you! I have so much junk in my trunk I'm like a Lincoln Town Car with a spare tire in the boot!

I can't handle it I tell ya! So, I decided to go to the extreme because y'all know me. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it good.

I went and spent good hard lotsa are you out of your mind paying that kinda cash for this set of DVD's. True story!

I watched all of the promo videos and it warned me. Don't think I'm going into this blind. It said I wuz gonna have to dig down deep if I was gonna succeed. Well honey! I've been diggin' down deep for years! What in the heck do you think I've been doing day after day while I'm sitting on the couch! Yes! Diggin' down deep in them thar couch cushions seein' what loose change and goodies I could find! I can dig!

And! You're gonna love this. Not only did I decide to do this, but I decided that The SM is gonna do it with me cuz we all know it is easier to stick with something if you have a buddy. He's not thinking he wants to be my buddy right now but when our 60 days is over he'll thank me. At least that is what I keep telling him.

So, yesterday was our first workout. I tell The SM to get in his work out clothes and I go and do what I do best. I dig down and deep (See? I'm a pro!) in my closet trying to find my work out clothes. I know they're in there! I just gotta keep diggin' down and deeper and deeper past all the really cool shoes I've been buying so people will notice my cute shoes and not my hubba bubba jiggly parts.

Task accomplished I come downstairs and turn on the DVD. It's time! It's time to see what we're made of! We are machines! We are lean mean gonna have the body of a sixteen year old machines!

We start. It's P and D day. Puke and die day. We're not five minutes into it. I'm laying on the floor on my back gasping for air. The punk teenage Native's are standing around laughing. I don't care. I can't see them. I'm stuck on the floor like a fish that has been tossed out of it's water. Not. Enough. OXYGEN! Legs? Do I have any? I can't feel them. Rubber spastic shaking convulsing appendages have replaced what used to be my legs.

And that. My friends. Was just. The warm-up! What ever happened to standing with your legs hip distance apart and flapping your arms around for a few minutes while you breathe as a warm-up?

Oh I'm insane allright! But guess what? When my sixty days are all over! You are all going to be so jealous because I am guaranteed!! After sixty days, I'll have my perfect beach body!

Cancelled Adventure

Photo Credit

The Native's are all tucked all snuggly safe and sound in their beds. It is that time of night when the house is all quiet, I'm in my comfy jammies, the lamp next to my bed gives off a warm glow in my bedroom, a sweet smelling breeze after a day of rain comes through my open bedroom window. I am content and ready to be whisked away as I snuggle down between the sheets and open my new book.

I've been anticipating this moment ever since I bought the book on recommendation. An Oprah book of the month selection. Normally, I don't buy into or care what Oprah's book of the month is but this book was highly recommended and I was told that it was Oprah's favorite book out of all the books she's ever read. It must be good.

As I open the first pages and smell the newness of the book and feel the cover protest at being opened I smile to myself and blame my mother and her mother for this habit of staying up late losing myself between the pages of a book. My mind wanders to an upstairs bedroom of a farm house in Montana where a little girl presses herself against her window trying to see the words on the page by the scant light from the yard light in the driveway. Many times her mother would tell her that she was going to ruin her eyes straining them so.

Often, when the little girl would get up in the night to go to the bathroom she would see a soft light on in her mother's room, her mother propped up against pillows, lost between the pages of a book...... and her mother before her......

I return back to the words typed on the clean pages of this juicy fat book and am ready to go on an adventure. Where ever the book will take me. I've surrendered myself to it's pages.

I begin to read. Anticipation. The first page starts to give me an itinerary of where we are going. The second page, a view that is ugly. Can it be over looked? Maybe just a pit stop that I can ignore getting to the destination. The third page, the realization of what the entire trip is going to be. Ugly. Offensive. Repulsive. Vulgar. Vile.

I close the book and place it on the night stand next to my bed. Disappointment washes over me. I am angry. Brilliant this book is not.

My sister wrote a blog post the other day that is, in fact, brilliant. She said it far better than I ever could. Click here to read.

Thankfully, there are many adventures left to go on. As my brother in law tells his kids, "You don't have to lay in the gutter to appreciate the sidewalk."

I've shelves upon shelves full of books just waiting for me to crack open their covers and lose myself between their brilliant pages safe and far from the gutter.

Going Postal

I'm getting to the point where I am feeling like the second half of the tri post is going to have to be, I went, I ran, I conquered. Time just is not a friend of mine since The Native's went back to school!

I don't know what my deal is but I have been on one lately. I think I need a time out. A big one!

Yesterday, after running The Native's here and there I came home to a pile of mail on the island. My three elementary age Native's had gotten the mail on their way home from school while I was off taking other Native's to the dentist.

As I looked through the mail I became instantly furious when I saw a catalog that I consider to be pornographic. I grabbed that catalog and the phone and went upstairs out of ear shot from The Native's and seeing blotchy purply red, dialed the number on the back of the catalog.

Blotchy purprle red isn't pretty. It got worse. Instead of an actual person on the other end of the phone I got a computer that wanted me to state my purpose and then I would be directed to the appropriate avenue that I needed. Each time the computer voice asked me a question my answer was more and more heated. NO, I did not want to place a flipping order, NO I did not want to request a catalog, etc. FINALLY, the computer gave me the option to speak to customer service. I growled CUSTOMER SERVICE into the phone and eventually got a real live person.

I told that person that I was ticked, I have told them in the past not to send me one of their catalogs and didn't appreciate them not honoring my request. The gal on the other end of the phone told me that she would make sure I didn't receive anymore catalogs and could I please give her the customer number on the back of the catalog.

I flipped the catalog over and......... it wasn't mine. It had been delivered to the wrong address. It was my neighbors!!!

I busted up laughing and explained the situation to the gal in customer service.

Puzzling. She didn't laugh. She didn't find the humor in the situation........



Side note: As we were leaving the dentist, Mr. J with his numb face started to whimper and whine and said, "I can't sneeze. My nose is too big......... "

I Don't Do Ups

My baby sis sent me this video clip. I thought it quite fitting for a Monday.... or Tuesday... or the whole year quite frankly!!

Arguing. For the Sake of Arguing.

I'm in an argumentative mood today. I read something that just blew my gasket and so I am going to vent. It's not anything new. We've heard the argument before but for some reason, today I'm going to say my piece. Not to be confused with peace.

Justification. We all use it. Guilty! But...... when everyone uses the same old argument that is RIDICULOUS! Please people! Either own up to your trashy reading/viewing habits or come up with something original.

Argument for reading trash: But the Bible has tons of sex and violence in it!

Here's the deal. I love to read. I read, a lot! I encourage The Native's to read. A lot! The SM reads, a lot! But if all we are reading is biohazardous waste packaged up as entertainment, then being voracious readers is pointless.

Back to the argument. "Why won't you let The Native's read (insert book series)?" When given the answer...... the reply is given in a laughing mock tone "Well, you let them and even encourage them to read the Bible right? The Bible is WAY more violent and has some chapters in it that are downright rated R sexual!"

Question to persons who use this argument. When you pick up (insert book title here) and you are reading it, what is going on with your inner temperature? And what images and fantasies are you conjuring up through out your day as you justify reading (insert book title) because, ya know, it's only a book..... It's not like you're out watching porn flicks right?

Now, read the Bible. Same emotions/feelings/thoughts/etc. going on?

Hmmmmm. I don't know. Maybe there is something wrong with me but when I read the Bible and it talks about dicey things I sure as heck don't have the same reaction as I do if I read a novel that starts to get skank.

But maybe it's just me.......

Hmmmmmm.

I know. You want part two of the Tri and I don't blame you. I want it too but blogging takes a ton of time ya know? I don't want to slap it together so in the meantime, while you're waiting for part two indulge me will ya?

For those who have followed my blog for quite some time know about Levi's dog Julie and how she came to be a part of our family. If not, you can catch up here.

Julie has been with us for quite some time now and I am always amazed at how attentive and connected she is to Levi. Because I'm too tired to fight yet another battle, Julie stays home with me during the day while Levi is at school. Ideally we'd like her to be with Levi at school but, as I said, I'm too tired to fight. With special needs kids, everything is a battle.

Three years ago found me in the hospital fighting for my life from the West Nile that had invaded my body two years before that. I've been dealing with seizures ever since. I've never had seizures in my life until then. A lovely side effect from the chronic West Nile that I have.

Lately, we've been noticing something. When I go down, Julie won't leave me. Just like she does with Levi. The last time I went down, she lay next to me in bed, and put her paw on my hand.

We found it to be interesting but didn't think too much about it. Enough to point it out but probably coincidence right?

The other day I was feeling great. Went running in the morning, got a lot done here at home, did some volunteering over at the school...... a good day. As it was time to go and get The Native's after school Julie started to act really weird. She kept getting in my way as I tried to walk out the door. She knows I'm going to go and get Levi so I figured she just wanted to come with. Man she was acting weird. Almost to the point of annoying!

As I was walking over to the school I noticed that my back was hurting and down my arm (all things I deal with with the WNV). The more I walked, the more tired I was getting. I figured I'd hurry and get The Native's, hurry home, and rest for a bit.

Picked up Levi from his class and went to get Mr. M. As I sat outside of his classroom with Levi I knew I was in a bit of trouble. Long story short, a seizure was coming on. Thanks to a friend at the school who drove The Native's and myself home, I was able to get home before disaster struck.

When I got home I bee lined it for my bedroom only to find that Julie had literally gone to pieces in my room. She had been in a worried frenzy while I was gone and had gotten into my trash and shredded it! She's done this before when she is away from Levi and she's worried about him..... but not me!!

As I lay in bed resting I thought about Julie and how she'd acted as I was trying to leave for the school and while I was gone. Interesting......... very interesting......

The Tri (part: one)

As all of the cousins bedded down for the night on grandma and grandpa's living room floor, if anyone ever questioned why the nieces and nephews call me, Auntie Madussa, this was why. Giggling and laughing, rolling around, whispering in not so quiet voices, it was apparent if I didn't do something, no one was going to get any sleep. We all needed sleep. Tomorrow morning bright and early was the Tri-athalon. I looked at my sisters who looked exhausted and Auntie Madussa took charge.

"No talking, Shhh! Roll over and close your eyes, I heard that! I said no talking. SHHH!" And so it went. The nieces and nephews would raise their heads off of their pillows and look to see if I was watching and then fall into a fit of giggles when I caught them. I sent my sisters to bed. This was going to go on for quite some time.

Sleep finally took over the kids and I was able to head to bed knowing full well that sleep would evade me for yet another night. The next day was the day I'd been wanting to participate in for a very long time and I was nervous. Would I be able to finish? I hoped so.... Maybe not run the whole way, but at least finish.

About a week before we were supposed to head up to Montana we found out that my brother in law who had said he'd do the swim for me wasn't going to be able to get off of work. Big disappointment in him not being able to do the swim for me, and big disappointment that he'd not be able to come to the family reunion. It was decided that The SM would do both the swim and the bike for me.

The night before the Tri a tall figure walked into my parents house surprising us all! My brother in law. He'd gotten off of work and driven six hours. He'd do the swim for me and then turn around and drive the six hours back home and head back to work. Do you see what kind of a family I come from?

The morning of the Tri found us all shoving cereal down all of the nieces and nephews throats. Those who were doing the whole Tri themselves had left at the crack of before the sun came up. We were all to follow with the kids and cheer them on. Those of us who were doing the Tri as a team would be in a later heat.



As I watched my family prepare to get into the pool to start the swim part of the Tri, I can not tell you the feelings that washed over me. I was so proud of them. Proud of their accomplishments. Each one has a story. Hurdles that they needed to get over to get where they did. This was my family and I was proud of them. My family took up pretty much the whole heat. We do this on purpose. We state our times as such so we can all be in the same heat. Imagine. An entire heat with just your family in it! It's pretty awesome.









My brother and his wife. They ran the Tri in the morning and then had a wedding reception for their son that evening! I don't know how they did it. But they did. Because they are awesome like that.





My baby sis. She just had her fifth baby a little over a year ago. She was in charge of the family reunion and it was her husband that couldn't make it so she was running the show AND the Tri. She's awesome like that.





My sis next in line older than me. She and her family drove two days to make it for this. They left a few hours after the Tri heading back on the two day drive home. This is the sister who wasn't able to make it last year to the Tri so she ran it on her own back in California. For me. She's awesome like that.













My nephews. Major competition between these brothers. One of them, I won't point any fingers, tried so hard to keep up with his older auntie he ended up puking up his guts a few times. Another one of them, was razzed quite a bit by the MC because of his goofy Tri-athalon attire. They're awesome like that.





My nephew's wife. They have the cutest baby ever! She kicked her husbands patootie last year in the Tri. She's awesome like that.



As each of these family members swam, biked, and ran by, those of us watching (and there was a lot!!! We're a big family) cheered ourselves haorse.



Tears came to our eyes as we watched each of these individuals give it everything they had and as they crossed the finish line, we all went ballistic. It is a rush I've never felt before.



And then.... it was my turn.... it was time for the teams.....

Enlightening Conversations

Miss K having a conversation with her dad.

Miss K: I've been thinking. I don't like saying, "Oh my gosh!" because it sounds
like, ya know, and I don't want to say His name in vain. It's inappropriate.

Dad: My grandma used to say the word "fudge".

Miss K: Well, that sounds like a bad word too. Some people say "nuts" but I don't want to say "nuts" because, you know, boys have......



Mr. J having a conversation with me on his way home from school.

Me: Hey look, there's a Preying Mantis. Don't step on it.

Mr. J: Why?

Me: Because it is a good bug. We like Preying Mantises. They eat bad bugs.

Mr. J: All of the Mantises are good?

Me: Yes

Mr. J: Even the ones that aren't praying?

I Hate Running Out of Toilet Paper!

I know, you want to hear about the tri-athalon but first things first. Toilet paper. I have big issues with it. I hate running out of toilet paper. I will buy hoards of toilet paper and stack them in my bathroom just so I can guarantee that there will be no shortage of toilet paper.

I start to see the pile reaching less than half way and I am stocking it up again like a display of canned goods in the grocery store. Do NOT mess with my tower of toilet paper.

This morning, someone in management didn't do their job. I won't point any fingers but I think it is the same person who can't seem to remember to put a new roll of toilet paper on when the old runs out.....

I was sitting in my office minding my own business when horror of horrors......I go to grab some toilet paper and there is maybe one swipe left on the roll! Nooooooo! I HATE RUNNING OUT OF TOILET PAPER! I hear my bedroom door open. I'm in luck! Help is on the way!! Levi walks around the corner....... great.

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. I ask Levi if he could go and get me some more toilet paper in the other bathroom. I show him the few squares I have left and that I need some more. He smiles his big smile at me and walks out of the bathroom (the kid still does not understand privacy). A minute later he comes back with about five squares of toilet paper......

I thank him and exasperated tell him that I need the whole roll! I take off the now empty roll of toilet paper and show it to him. "See? All gone! I need another one."

Levi gives me another smile and tells me, "Sure!". About a minute later he comes in with a huge smile and hands me another empty roll of toilet paper.......

Part one of last weekends adventure.

Thursday morning last week found us loading up and hitting the road a little later than we'd planned as we headed up to Montana. This meant, no stopping for anything!! The Native's weren't allowed to eat or drink the entire way so there would be no potty stops. All nine hours! Okay, so we weren't that hideous but close!

As we stopped and gassed up the truck in Idaho Falls we hit a drive thru, grabbed food, and kept on going. No running around to stretch legs. There'd be plenty of that when we reached Montana.



Idaho. What can I say... good ol' boring Idaho......



Driving through Idaho means long endless roads and bugs. Lots and lots of bug guts on your windshield.



This is a, "My legs are whiter than yours Murphy!" shot.



See? Bug juice. Lots of it. It sounds like it is raining as you drive, so many bugs are splattering across the windshield. We love the big ol' mustard splatty ones. Now those, are sick!



See those red topped things way off in the distance? When I was a kid I would look for those. We would drive down from Montana to visit family and I always kept a watch out for these. They fascinated me. Back then, they were plain silver.



Now they have this on them. They still fascinate me. Grain silos. As boring as Idaho is, the grain and alfalfa fields are beautiful to me.

I do have to be nice for a moment. Anyone who has ever driven through Montana knows there are some really ugly parts. It just so happens that I grew up in the beautiful part in the mountains. Idaho is the same. There are parts that are just breath taking in beauty.



As we passed over the border heading into Montana I saw these off in the distance being drenched in much needed rain. My mountains. "I'm coming" my heart, body, and soul called out to them.



Please excuse the crack going across the windshield. I'd have gotten out and taken better photos but remember, we were in a hurry. Dinner was waiting for us, and country manners required that we not be late. Something like that....

Do you see the piles of hay? They have always looked like loaves of bread to me. Loaves of bread dropped from the heavens here and there out in the fields.



The photos are small so it is hard to see but if you click on them, you will see some wooden contraptions by the loaves of bread. They are called
beaverslides. The beaverslide is what makes the loaves of hay bread.



Want some honey and a slab of butter to go with your homemade wheat bread?



Home. After nine hours in the truck...... I got out and I could smell the ponderosa pines. It was beautiful. My heart started pounding, my eyes lit up, and a smile swept across my face. In twenty more minutes I would be in the arms of my family and loved ones but I had to get of the truck for just a second. A moment to just breath and drink in the beauty around me.

P.S. That last photo with the sprinkler pipes is for a certain someone cuz I know this person just loved moving pipe!! Next time I'll get a close up.

Great Expectations. I Hated That Book.

Mr. J started Kindergarten yesterday.



Big day filled with expectations. Expectations that I would come home and have tons of time on my hands beings as he is the baby, the last, the nest is empty for a few hours so to speak. Expectations that Mr. J would not cry and have a hard time. Expectations that I would not spend hours and hours at the school. Expectations that I would sit at home and catch up on my blogging.

I tried to read the book, "Great Expectations" several times. The problem is, I kept expecting something great! Never happened. That was my day yesterday.

Sorry mates! You'll just have to sit and wait expecting something great with me. It seems time is not available at the moment. Pick a number and join me in line....