My Mumbling Bumbling Thoughts

With Levi being so sick, The SM and I have been taking turns sleeping with him.  Last night, it was my turn.  Levi has been down on the couch.  I had The SM help me get out the blow up mattress and set me up a nice little bed next to him.  As I tried to get some sleep, I listened to Levi's breathing.  His breathing since being sick has been very labored, loud, and fast.  As I dozed off and on, his breathing was always in the background.  And then, it wasn't.  I jerked awake realizing that I couldn't hear him breathing anymore.  I jumped off the mattress and felt his chest.  Nothing.  I felt his tummy to see if it was going up and down with his breaths.  Nothing.  I think I said aloud, but I'm not sure, I know I thought it, "Dear God in Heaven please, no"! and I shook Levi.

Levi made a noise.  A complaint maybe, rolled over, and went back to sleep.  The reassuring sleep I'd been listening to earlier.  The rapid loud breaths.  And I breathed a prayer of thanks.  I don't know if Levi had stopped breathing and I was warned by a Heavenly Being and jerked awake to shake him to get him started again, goodness knows there have been many times in the past where that has happened, or if he was just breathing shallow.  Either way, a prayer of thanks that Levi is with us yet another day.

When Levi was little, I felt like I couldn't let him out of my sight for a second.  I was so worried about losing him.  It took me a long time to finally come to the place where I could place him in God's hands and realize that no matter how good of a mother I could be, when it was time for Levi to go back home, there was nothing I could do about it.

That was huge for me.  It gave me permission to be able to put Levi in his crib, turn out the light, shut the door, and go and sleep in my bed.  Each night, I would (and still do) pray asking that he be watched over.  I also talk to my grandma that has passed to watch over my boy.

For so long I lived with the fear that I would lose Levi and yet, for so many years and continuing today, Levi has had many opportunities to be called home and he hasn't!  That was another realization that I had to come to.  As much time as I was spending worried about Levi leaving me, the Lord has shown me time and time again that it isn't his time!  Levi still has much to do here on earth and there have been countless times when I have been made aware of situations (like last night) when I would notice he'd stopped breathing and bounced him back, or the time he fell out of the second story window and landed in the only place under the window that didn't have the wood pile.  All around there was the wood pile and other things that would have ended his life had he fallen onto them but the one place that was grass..........  the list goes on and on!

So, this evening, as I thought about what happened last night and it hit me, the 'what could have happened', I allowed myself to have an emotional moment, took a deep breath, tearfully sent up another prayer of thanks, shook myself, and moved on..........  I think.........  the amount of emotional eating I've been doing this evening might say otherwise.  No judging.  We all have our coping mechanisms.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with this post.  Just working through some thoughts I've had this evening.  Thoughts that have resurfaced.  What ever my bumbling mumbling thoughts may be, there is one thing I know for sure and that is that we have a loving Father in Heaven who knows each one of us.  He loves us.  He knows us by name.  He knows this is hard, being a parent, for He is a parent, and no matter what happens....... all will be well.

The Parable of the Pot of Chili

Next to my bed is a little notebook.  I call it my, Blessings Notebook.  Each night, before I go to bed, I write in said notebook.  I think about the day and the miracles and blessings that have transpired and write them down.  So many times, when I pick up my notebook and pen, I think there really hasn't been anything that day, but as I think and ponder, thoughts come to my mind, and I find there are usually several!  Well, besides the usual blessings and miracles that miraculously happen each and everyday that I merrily take for granted!!

Last night, as I thought about the blessings for the day, I thought about the pot of chili.  It reminded me of the book, "Stone Soup".  You remember the story?  If not, you need to go back and read it.  Or, you can 'read' it here where The Natives acted it out.

Anyway, on Saturday, our neighborhood had a chili cook off.  We've had it every year for as long as I can remember.  It takes place over at our church and all are invited to come, have some chili and other goodies, and sit and talk.  The SM had signed up to make a pot of chili and I signed up to make some cornbread.  The day was a busy day which involved some scouting stuff and Levi getting sick.  Really sick.  Scary sick.  The SM made his pot of chili.  I didn't get around to the cornbread.  Not feeling guilty.  It's life.  I stayed home with Levi and cared for him while The SM took The Natives over to the church for dinner.  The SM was busy with helping set things up and helping little neighborhood children make balloon animals so his pot of chili didn't get set out right away.  In fact, his whole pot of chili didn't get set out until everyone had had their fill of chili.  He brought his pot of uneaten chili home with him later that evening.

Not a problem!  We've a big family!  It will get eaten quite soon.  Sunday came along and Levi was still sick.  Yay for us!  We've a whole pot of chili that is untouched!  I don't have to worry about fixing dinner.  I did hurry and whip up some cornbread to go with but that was mere minutes to do.  No biggie.  I get a text from a dear neighbor friend asking about Levi.  She is praying for him and wishes she could do more but is home with a migraine herself.  She suffers from migraines.  Nasty business.  I can handle most things but migraines........ they put me under!

Guess what?!  Stone Soup!!  I have a huge pot of chili and some cornbread!  We send some chili and cornbread down to her family.  There's enough for both of our families because The SM's pot of chili just 'happened' to not get put out until too late at the chili cook off.  Coincidence?  I think not.  On Saturday I thought, "What a shame people didn't get to enjoy The SM's chili".  On Sunday, I was thinking, "What a blessing that The SM's chili was untouched and we've some to give to a family in need"!  See how this works?

And then, I get a message from another dear neighbor worried about Levi.  How is he doing and she'll be bringing us dinner on Monday night.  Do we have any food allergies....

Stone Soup.  (Or a pot of chili) It's a blessing.  It keeps growing.

This Week's Letter From The Philippines!

Elder Rubow with his "brothers".  These young men have become family to him. 

A ship that is being unloaded.

Elder Rubow at the ocean.  He looks so good!!!

Baptism!  Elder Rubow is standing in the back,  far left.

So here is the weekly letter for you

So sorry!  I only have a short email this week.  Super busy here and I am out of time.  We invited 5 more people to be baptized within the next month and they accepted!  Things have slowed down a bit here but will be picking up again for sure!  We also had a baptism of -------------.  She is the first of her family but no doubt many will soon follow.  They are all very excited! We also had another funeral this last week.  Half the family was catholic and the other Mormon.  So the funural was split into two days.  The first day was a Mass.  I have never been to one of those before.  It was very interesting I must say.  The next day was the LDS funeral and burial.  The difference between the two was I must say very interesting.  

Well, sorry again to make it so short.  I am so thankful for the Plan of Salvation and how we can know where we are going after this life.  Now is the time to prepare to meet God.  May we do so now!  Do not procrastinate!  It is not worth it at all.  Go to the temple often if you can and for those who are preparing, continue!  The temple is such a wonderful blessing to us and helps us so much both in this life and the life to come.  Thanks again! 

Elder Rubow

I spent my whole time writing you.  I hope your happy! :D (We spent most of his email time chatting back and forth and yup!  It made me happy!!)

Also, please give my love to the Stones.(Elder Rubow's adopted grandparents and good friends of ours.)  I miss them so much!  Thanks!

Sundays...

Sunday's.  It's a mad rush getting all of the natives spit shined and polished before heading out the door to church.  I can remember when the natives were little, The SM, was at meetings before church, and me at home getting them all ready by myself.  Years of getting baby natives out the door by myself.  I would literally have an assembly line.  I'd throw all of the boys in the tub, grab the spray nozzle, and hose them all down.   I'm amazed I kept going to church!  There were so many Sunday's by the time I'd get to church and plop down in my bench, I would sit there in a daze.  Don't ask me what was taught, don't ask me what was sung, who knows!  I was too busy in a daze feeding cheerios and what not to the natives to keep them quiet and felt myself accomplished if I'd gotten myself dressed and actually remembered to zip up my dress before heading out the door!

I would have to remind myself time and time again, I'm not going to church for me right now, it's about the natives.  I'm going to church for them because darned if I was getting anything out of the meetings at that time!

That's life though isn't it?!  A lot of times, it's about doing the right thing regardless of what our bodies and thoughts and what nots want us to do.  We push through!

Sunday's.  I love Sundays.  I admit, I didn't use to!  As I see my natives grow up in the church though, I'm so glad for Sundays.  I'm so glad my parents taught me what comes first.  I'm so glad as I sit back and watch my natives take off on their own putting others and service of our God first.  Not to say they are perfect.  We aren't.  None of us are.

There is still a lot of monkeying around.  Lots and lots of monkeying around, and laughter.  I like the laughter the mostest.  And winning.  Man, I sure like to win!  And when I don't........  I pout, and then I say, BEST TWO OUT OF THREE!

P.S.  Did I mention naps?  Sunday naps are the best.  There's a reason Henny Penny isn't in any of these photos.....