I really have issues with my hair don't I?

I awoke to the most bizarre dream this morning.




I was in Barack Obama's kitchen talking to his wife.....



and I was asking her how she does her hair....excepting it wasn't his wife....it was some beautiful Latino lady........




and Barack Obama was trying to shove food down my throat.......

I love Fall!

There is something magical that happens in the Fall. I wish I could capture it.....but I can't.



So, we do the best that we can enjoying each and every moment while it lasts.



I love having the river so close and accessible. The hours we've spent riding along the river either on horses or on bikes.........



Jumping off occasionally to wander along the banks. Throwing rocks into the river making "ploops". Over turning stones to see what is hiding beneath in the moist sandy darkness.



Fall. My favorite time of year!

I was interviewed by Stacy!

The other day I went shopping. Got myself all dolled up and hit the road with my credit card flashing. As I entered the store where I was set on spending some big change I was approached by a very classy gal. She told me her name was Stacy and asked if I had a minute and could she please interview me.

Me: What is the interview for?

Stacy: I am doing research on career women.

Me: (Hee, this is gonna be good....if only she knew......)Oh, what kind of research?

Stacy: I have a theory that with a few simple questions I can tell what career you are in.

Me: Really? Wow! Sure, I have a minute. Ask away. (Bet I can snow her....I obviously already have....dang, I'm good.)

Stacy: What time do you usually get up in the morning?

Me: 5:30

Stacy: That is pretty early.

Me: Yes, it is.

Stacy: What kind of hair products do you use?

Me: (Oh I am so onto you sister, you're trying to figure out just how much money I make.) I use top of the line Wal-Mart. (giggling to myself)

Stacy: Did you do your hair yourself today or did you have it professionally done?

Me: I did it myself with my top of the line Wal-Mart products. Why?

Stacy: I was just wondering about the braid you have in the back of your hair.

Me: (oh crap) Ummm, ya, I forgot. I did have it done professionally. I just taught my daughter how to braid hair and she practiced on me earlier today.

Stacy: Laughing. That's great!

Me: Well, you know, we career woman have to keep up on the latest trends! It is SO competitive out there.

Stacy: True true. Okay, next set of questions. Where do you normally shop for your clothes?

Me: I believe in being frugal so I try to shop the clearance at this department store in town called "Deseret Industries". Ever heard of it?

Stacy: I think I've heard of it. Is it in the mall?

Me: No, it is a mall in and of itself.

Stacy: The shirt you are wearing. Did you buy it at this "Deseret Industries"?

Me: No actually. It was given to me as a gift.

Stacy: Don't you just love getting clothes for gifts?

Me: Oh ya! Love clothes and shoes.

Stacy: Your shirt has an interesting pattern on it. I've not seen anything like it.

Me: That is because it was custom made. See, this mark here. Some might think that is a stain but it isn't. It was put there on purpose from our black berry bushes. And this pretty orangy red color here is from homemade spaghetti sauce. It's a very organic shirt.

Stacy: Oh that is soooo cool! I am for organic. I buy organic products too. So that other mark on your shirt? Is that organic too?

Me: What mark?

Stacy: The one right there.

Me: (oh crap, she must mean the grease stain below my chest. When did THAT happen?) Very much so! That is with an organic canola oil. Very expensive.

Stacy: Riiight. Moving on. Your purse is darling!

Me: Thanks! I thought so too!

Stacy: Very trendy!

Me: Well, you know. Big purses are in!

Stacy: Yes, they are. What do you keep in your purse?

Me: Oh, you know. The same things every career woman keeps in her purse!

Stacy: Lipstick?

Me: No

Stacy: Hand held mirror, make up, hair products?

Me: No

Stacy: Credit Cards, spare cash, cell phone?

Me: Sort of..on some of those.

Stacy: Business cards?

Me: No

Stacy: Mace?

Me: Of a sort (does chewed up gum stuck in gum wrappers count, or moldy half eaten forgotten sandwiches?)

Stacy: So what DO you have in your purse?

Me: Well, you know. My wallet, some diapers, some wipes, some hand sanitizer, gum, some toys........I believe in being prepared for ANYTHING. You never know when you are out and about and some poor mom will need these items. I do live in the baby capital of the world you know! A career woman always needs to be on her toes and prepared for anything!

Stacy: Riiiiight. Okay, well that just about wraps up our interview. Thank you SO much for taking the time. I know how busy career ladies are so I'll let you get back to your shopping. Oh, by the way. You are missing an earring. It probably fell out on your way in.

Me: THANKS! I'd not noticed......darn....and these were my favorite too. (crap, I forgot I let my boys use my earring for a fishing lure......dang......forgot to get it back before I headed out the door.)

Stacy: That ALWAYS happens to me too!

Me: (Yaaaa, I bet....) So, what is your verdict? What is my career?

Stacy: I am going to bet........that you are a stay at home mom! Am I correct?

Me: Dang......you're good! (I wonder what tipped her off......)




Kidding......I'm kidding....I didn't get interviewed but do you ever feel like this some days? The other day I went shopping, had to use the girls room and as I was exiting I noticed that I'd forgotten to yank out the braid in the back of my rats nest of hair. My baby girl had been practicing on me and I'd forgotten all about it. This same dang bathroom had a full length mirror and I really did think before I left that I didn't look THAT bad....upon closer inspection I had stains on my shirt from who knows what....my jeans didn't look as great as I'd thought in fact they looked down right terrible.......and the dumpy frump that looked back at me in that mirror.....all I can say is full length mirrors should be banned from this dang earth!

I thought this only happened in the spring.......

Once upon a time there was a beautiful queen who loved her children dearly. Every afternoon she would take them in her chariot along the banks of the river where they would spend hours exploring, laughing, and eating bon bons. One day as they were coasting along a zap of poison came shooting out of the sky and hit this beautiful queen right between the eyes. From outward appearances all seemed normal but the poison had spread to her eyes and a hungry vengeance on hopping armor plated creatures coursed through her veins. Never before had she noticed so many of these hoppers all over the trail. They disgusted her. Revolted she purposefully aimed her chariot wheels delighting in the crunch that followed under her wheels. Her poor children suffered dearly. They did not know what had become of their beautiful mother. "Stop momma, you are killing the grasshoppers", they cried.

An evil cackle escaped her lips as she chose her next victim...or victims......if smashing one could be so delightful how about two? She had noticed that there appeared to be alot of these creatures lounging around on top of each other oblivious to anything going on around them. An easy target! A high pitched cackle escaped her lips as the beautiful queen got her tire in line with the next victims! "No, no, no, mommy. Don't kill the grasshoppers", her children continued to cry. "YES, YES, YES", the beautiful queen shrieked as her tire so perfectly aligned hit her target. SPLAT! A hideous crunch and mustard flying in several directions snapped the beautiful queen out of her poisoned state of mind.

"Oh that was GROSS" the queen shuddered. "Mommy, you killed them", the children wailed. The beautiful queen now back to her senses replied, "well, they shouldn't have been playing in the street!"

My baby girl is being home schooled this year. Bless her poor little wretched heart....She has to spend the ENTIRE day with me so I thought since she was undergoing such agonizing torture I would try to make things a little better plus teach her about money by opening up a little store for her.

Everyday as she does her chores and homework she earns a little money. Play money of course......She gets extra bonuses if I catch her doing extra nice things for the family. All money is saved for Friday when the "store" opens and she gets to rummage through the treasure box and "go shopping".

My hunky man and I perused the dollar store for a good hour looking for the most girly and hideous things we thought would delight our girl. Came home, put price tags on them, and then tried to guess which treasure our baby girl would want to earn and save up the money for.

My hunky man thought she'd go for this hideously lime green furry looking purse thing. My vote was a toss up. Either she'd go for the lip gloss or this rather large plastic yellow magnifying glass that even the dead could see with.

Out of all the bobbles, lip gloss, art supplies, cool bead pens, she picked the gargantuan yellow plastic magnifying glass........Apparently, to her saving for a couple of weeks to buy the item we bought at $1.00 that is now priced at $4.25 is worth it to her.

Home school lesson number one: Inflation sucks........We're teaching her to go into the diamond business.

Speaking of tea........

Yesterday while writing about tea"pots" I thought to my little ol' self......."self, you can find ANYTHING on the internet. I bet you could find a teapot shaped like a toilet"! So, I sat myself down on the couch that I was already laying down on and started to look and would you guess what happened? I couldn't find one! The only thing I ended up doing was embarrassing myself when my hunky man sat next to me. When I tried to hurry and delete "teapots shaped like toilets" from my google browser he asked me what in the world I was up to now?

Well like, duh! Doesn't everyone google tea pots that look like toilets? Like he should be surprised!

I DID however........find an awesome assortment of teapots and if I'd known what all was available I'd have started to collect these suckers long ago. You name it...it's in the shape of a teapot.....well.....excepting a toilet....BUTT (hee), everything else.

Take for example this lovely paper bag shaped teapot. This here folks is for those who have added some "heat" to their tea thus the paper bag so "no one will knoooow". Cracks me up when I see someone walking around snoggin' from a paper bag. "Hey dude! Got milk in there? Just wonderin........"




Or take this lovely number which I am SO STINKIN' SORRY IT IS SO TINY CUZ IT IS THE DANGED CUTEST TEAPOT! It has this bird thing sittin' in an ol' rocker on top for the lid. Grief! I could almost start drinking tea just from looking at these things.





How about this number? Someday when I'm 90 I'm going to own a Harley and I'm going to wear this outfit and drink tea......herbal tea that is.........



Get a load of these shoes! And looky here..........



Wouldn't this platter go with that shoe teapot? And we could make crumpets in the shape of shoes! And everyone could bring a new pair of shoes in a shoe shaped handbag! And we could take Jello and make Jello jigglers in the shape of shoes..and we could go and get another pair of shoes AFTER the shoe tea party..and then when we got done getting new shoes we could come back home for some more shoe shaped crumpets while we shoe shopped on the internet only to realize that we really need to try the shoes on so we could go BACK to the mall and try on more shoes........sorry......I've digressed......it's a shoe thing.......




Do you see the rhinestones on the brim of her hat? Check out her pucker uppers and her earrings! I'm trying to figure what that stogie thing is coming out of the top of the teapot. I know......maybe it is one of those Pepperidge Farm cookie things that look like a straw and maybe that is hot cocoa in that there teapot. That would make me pucker up. Forget the tea! Hot cocoa anyone? And then we could go shopping for shoes....and then........oh........sorry........




It's this platter's fault......I can't quit looking at it. I want this platter. No, I need this platter. I'll die if I don't have this platter. Someone take these photo's away from me NOW!



Perhaps you like more of this type of whimsical teapot. On second thought,this would be too much of a reminder. Every time I'd look at it..."I'm late, I'm late....for yet another very important date......." Smashing this one to little itty bitty tiny pieces. Bet it would make a cool mosaic table top!




Hmmm, not too sure about this one. Chicken lover are you? I just think I'd have a hard time ripping it's head off every time I wanted to fill it with hot cocoa and then to have dark brown stuff pouring out of it's......"spout"........I think I'm gonna "pass" hee on this one....




Now this one is interesting! When I first saw it in a tiny little picture I thought those balls on the bottom were a cows teats but if those were the teats.....then what was that little yellow thing coming out her ahem...bahooty? I read the name of the teapot and it had to do with a circus........I thought, "Well ya, if you had a cow that lay eggs....that would belong in a circus......." Then I saw a slightly larger picture and went, "Ooooh, now I see it.....It's a big top tent!" I like my original impression better.



This guy is actually pretty cute. I think I need, want, am dying for him as much as that shoe platter....almost.




Last but not least.......I'm still trying to figure out just where the tea comes out of this one. They say a dogs mouth is clean.......or does it come out of it's nose......maybe this one would appeal to me more if it were wearing shoes......

Tea anyone?

Every once in awhile little kids do things that make you wonder how in the world you'll ever be able to see them the same, or how you'll ever be able to kiss them. You know what I'm talking about.....the times you walk in and they are happily "painting" their crib, wall, themselves, and anything within reach with a brown substance.

No matter how many times it happens......I'm never prepared....and no matter how many kids I've had.......I'm always disgusted when they pull stuff like this.

This morning I walked past the bathroom and heard a little clinking noise. I should have kept on going......oh Nelly should I have ever. I should have just walked right on by into my bedroom and told my husband to go check it out.

"Honey, get your keyster out of that bed. I think there is a RAT in the bathroom. Quick! And ummm, I'm just gonna go shower in MY bathroom and you let me know when you're done taking care of that big rat in the PUNKS bathroom cuz I can spend all day in here if I need to. You just go right on in there and puff out that big ol' hairy chest of yours and take care of it like a MAN!"

But, I didn't. I did an immediate 90 degree turn and pushed open the door and what did appear before my wondering eyes? Well two little feet all snuggled in zip up jammies dipping a plastic tea cup of his sister's in the toilet getting a drink!

Brings whole new meaning to tea"pot" doesn't it?