Why my child wears what he wears, looks like does, hair looks a mess, teeth aren't brushed, and other things that make me look like a bad parent.
I can remember years ago, before Levi, I would look at kids with special needs who looked like they weren't being taken care of very well and oh would I judge the parents! What! You can't take the time to brush their hair, or dress them in cute clothes or....... insert any number of judgmental things I would think. Laws! I look back and think, Rachel, you were a snot! Who did you think you were?!
Giving myself and those who still think like I did a little credit. I wasn't trying to be mean. I just didn't know.
I didn't know about the battles. All of the battles fought in one morning that most parents wouldn't have with their kids in an entire month! I didn't know that mornings were spent picking and choosing which battles will be fought. I didn't know that sometimes, brushing teeth is a battle not worth fighting. Or maybe it is hair. I didn't know that after fighting the teeth battle by the time we get to hair, it just isn't worth it! I didn't know that brushing teeth and doing hair for these kids is painful.
I always thought I would be the parent who would dress my kid in super cute clothes because people stare as it is, no need staring at how he's dressed as well! Then the realization. It's not about me! Gasp! What?! Shocking, I know. It's about what is comfortable. Levi is uncomfortable enough as it is. "Cute" clothes can be uncomfortable. Tags have to be ripped off. Clothing that isn't soft is painful. It's also about ease. Having the self satisfaction of, "Look mommy! I got myself dressed!" Elastic waist pants so said child can dress himself. No buttons. Etc. I didn't know about these things.
I didn't know that it would mean when Levi goes to church he would wear suspenders on his pants because he likes them! Yes, he looks goofy and it makes his pants go clear up to his arm pits but Levi likes the suspenders! He doesn't care what other people think of his 'style' of dress! So I stopped caring. Caring what other's think and started caring about how much joy it brings me and tickles me to death to see Levi happy and comfortable.
Battles. We all have them. Which do we choose to fight, and which do we choose to let go........
Hey - I LOVE his suspenders.
ReplyDelete:) Me too!
DeleteIt is hard to know . . . all we can do is the best we can. And your best is quite good enough!
ReplyDeleteIt's so true Anaise. It is hard to know. Everyday is different. Every moment is different. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
DeleteClothing that isn't soft is painful. Or that which is too tight. Or too patterned. Or too warm. Or too scented depending on what detergent was used. Or too not-the-same because of growing or wearing out of the original one - which can be devastating. Sensory processing differences add a whole new level of awareness for us neurotypical types. And you are a great mama to meet Levi where he is at.
ReplyDeleteA whole new level of awareness! It's so true! I can remember being amazed when Levi was little and a different bus would come and he would refuse to get on it! It looked the exact same as his bus but somehow he knew it wasn't the same bus. Maybe there was a scratch by the door that wasn't there with the different bus....... who knows! He sees and feels things at levels that are so magnified! I read a book once that is written by an autistic boy who can actually communicate how he is feeling (which is amazing) and it was so eye opening to me! Of course I can't remember the name of the book now which is most unhelpful but, there were so many things he mentioned that were light bulbs for me helping me to understand why Levi didn't like a lot of the things he doesn't like. Bottom line. They're painful!
DeleteYes! I remember a certain young fellow hitting me because I had perfume on, and as far as he was concerned, it was self defense because I was hurting him with the scent. That was years ago now and I have never worn perfume since. There was also a meltdown at a restaurant because the paper the fries were served on was too patterned and it hurt. And arrangements had to be made at hockey games because the buzzer was too loud - the poor little guy would be in agony. And on it goes.
DeleteIf you remember the name of the book I'd love to find and read it.
I'll have to ask my librarian friend the name of the book. I'll let you know..........
DeleteOh my goodness the things you learn from Levi…
ReplyDeleteI always smile and think about it when I read your little tag over there to the right that says, "Live like Levi." and I think that might not be a bad thing at all.
LOL! It means a lot of holes in your clothes!! Holes where you rip out the tags, holes where you chew on the clothes, and holes from a number of other things of which I have no idea!!!!
Delete