No Soliciting!

I have a sign I made for my front door. It says:

NO SOLICITING! (In really big letters)

In smaller print under it says:

Yes, I realize that your product will wipe out all of the bugs off of the face of the earth, stop world hunger, clean every surface in my home, cars, children, etc. etc. etc. for pennies, make my grass the envy of Martha Stewart, make me salivate because your chocolate is better than the stuff my husband brings home from Germany, your beauty products will make me look like the hottest stars in Hollywood, my carpets will look better than the day I bought them, I'll be able to make all the phone calls I want to Italy for spaghetti home delivery for free plus watch it on my free cable network being delivered, and due to your fabulous preschool program my kids will graduate from college when they are 5, your restaurant will make it so I never have to cook again,your security system will stop all crime, and so on and hence forth but the answer is still NO!

And still.......they come knocking at my door. Yesterday was classic.

DING DONG.........

Me: Hello. (Not hello? or Hello!.....Hello period meaning why are you on my porch looking at my No Soliciting sign and not running for your lives..........)

Solicitor: (Ha ha ha-I'm funny and trying to be charming) I was just reading your sign. Did you write that yourself?

Me: (Not laughing or smiling) Yes

Solicitor: (Showing me his binder with the Dish network printed on the cover) Do you subscribe or have any of these products?

Me: No, we don't have TV

Solicitor: (Ha ha ha I'm Mr. Charming still) Ya, that is what your kids told me when I walked up. (What the #$%^$%^ is he doing talking to my kids?????) I bet it's because you can't get any channels right?

Me: No, it's because I don't want my kids to sit and vedge in front of the TV. I want them outside playing or reading.

Solicitor: Well, if you had channels you liked you'd probably watch more TV

Me: No, I want my kids doing other things than watching TV

Solicitor: (Noticing my BYU shirt) Well, do you like to watch sports like BYU or other entertainment. I bet you'd like that!

Me: No, I'm not interested okay? If we want to see a game we'll go in person.

Solicitor: Well, what about

Me: (Cutting him off) I'm not interested!

Solicitor sulks away......

I have come to a very sad conclusion. It must be so rough going through life not being able to read and the only jobs available to you is Soliciting.......remind me to teach the natives this. Must get education so you are not reduced to soliciting for your wages....

Makin' Butter

Last week we were gone to Altamont, UT for a family reunion. My SM's side of the family. I'll post more on that later because we're quite busy and I have to keep this short. It is cherry pickin' time and the natives are out in the trees hanging and yodeling and I'm trying to keep up. Cherries are coming in the house fast and I keep trying to duck and run but they won't let me. They are strict task masters the natives.

For breakfast I made eggs and toast and had a brilliant idea. I had some heavy cream in my fridge that needed using and I remembered something my mother used to do. My mother is brilliant by the way. Living way out in the boondocks with all of us knee biters running around she had to be quick on her toes and if there was a quicker more efficient way to do something she figured it out. Mom would take the cream from the cows milk and make butter. You make butter in a churn. Did you know that? At least women used to. Not my mother. She took one look at that and thought, "I don't have time to sit and churn butter"! So, she threw it in the blender and in no time she had her cream whipped into butter. I remember that butter. Rich milky butter. Mmmm.......so this morning I did what my mamma taught me. I threw the cream into the blender and whipped me up some butter and buttered the natives toast with it!

Now they are back out in the cherry trees licking their paws and rubbing their content bellies.

I love my brilliant mamma.........and the word brilliant....it's a brilliant word don'cha think?

The Wall

Let's give this wall a name. I like naming things except my children. Oh it was fun at first but then it became harder and harder to find names for all of the natives that they wouldn't later grow up and hate me for. They've other things they'll need therapy for in their later years after being raised by me. I didn't need to add their names to it.

Anyway, back to the wall. We're going to call it West Nile Virus okay? Thank you for indulging me yet another story. You will indulge me won't you?

There once was pretty young maiden (stop interrupting me, I said this was a story. I can call her what ever I want!!!) who was stricken with a disease called WNV. One day she took a look at the disease and was tired of it kicking her trash. She looked closely at it, analized it, and was bound and determined to kick IT'S trash.




She slowly approached the WNV and took hold of it making sure that her grip was firm and her feet placed securely. Then, she started to climb.



Slowly ever so slowly she made her way up the wall determined to make it to the top.



Not even her glass slippers would stop her which she eventually kicked off as they made her feet very sweaty. (And everyone thinks that Cinderella "lost" her glass slipper. Do you know how sweaty your feet get after a night of dancing? They don't talk about sweat in fairy tales but I can assure you. Cinderella was one sweaty chick with all that work and dancing she did! I know cuz Cinderella and I have a lot in common.....scrubbin' morning' noon and night.....lookin' after scads of mice....natives....... We both married a handsome prince and lived happily ever after!)

Sorry.....I digress.



On and on the pretty young maiden climbed sometimes feeling she barely had a toe hold stopping and resting when ever she could along the way. (I'm sure there is a lesson here but I think we'll skip this one as denial is something I'm not ready to part with......not that this story is about me mind you.....snort......pretty young maiden indeed.)

Feeling completely exhausted and like she couldn't go on any further the pretty young maiden looked up and saw that just a bit further was her goal. She knew she couldn't give up now and yet, she was so tired and didn't know how she could go on. Only her fear of heights and falling kept her plastered to the wall and gave her the last needed push she needed......



to climb a little higher and knock that bell off it's ringer!

I'd like to dedicate this story to all those who are battling WNV. Someday, we will make it to the top and boy howdy will the bells ring then with all of us ringing them and no longer will it be a fairy tale, in the meantime, may we all live "happily ever after"! The End

Snapdragons

What is worse than having a seizure?




Having multiple seizures in one night. It makes ya kinda tired the next day!




My favorite flowers to grow in the summer are snapdragons. I love all of the different colors they come in. They look like a bouquet of candy. So vibrant and bright. Even though my body is tired today.....my spirit feels like these snapdragons.

A royal story.

Oh! I'm sorry. Did I like, forget to say what it was that I actually got for my birthday? How silly of me. I'm sure I didn't do that on purpose........Are you sure I didn't mention it in my last post?

Are you really that curious? How bout I give you a hint......won't that be fun? No?

Okay, I'll tell you but first I have to tell you a funny story and if there is time after.......THEN I'll tell you what I got.

First, my story:



There once was a handsome king who took his royal family on a fishing expedition out in the middle of a field full of cows where there was a pond. His royal family thought this would be such a fun adventure and with fishing poles in hand took off running towards the pond. The handsome king did not have a chance to warn his royal children that the pond was enchanted and that they needed to be careful. Out of all the fish the children could catch, one was not to be caught or destruction, devastation would ensue.

The children took writhing wiggly worms and stuck them on their hooks and threw them into the pond and waited with anticipation as the royal handsome king tried to catch up to his children to warn them about the fish that must not be caught!

Too late, the youngest of the royal children hooked the dreaded fish and jumping up and down with excitement he pulled the fish onto land. His royal handsome father yelled, "nooooooo" but it was too late. His young son had been turned into.......



A beautiful blue dragonfly.



The royal family was very distraught and sad and begged the fish that they would do anything if it would forgive them and turn their little brother back. Alas, it was not meant to be until the fish saw this royal beauty.




The fish and the royal family cut a deal, the fish spit on its fins and the royal family spit into their royal palms and they shook on it. The beautiful princess would have to come and marry the fish when she became of age which the royal handsome king was more than happy to shake on because then he wouldn't have to worry about his beautiful princess when she hit the dating years and they all lived happily ever after!

The End!

Oh, and by the way. The photos taken on this post were taken SOC (straight out of camera) with my new camera I got for my birthday!

Now, there was something I was going to tell you after my story.......What in the world was it? I tell ya, this West Nile is kickin' my trash. I can't remember a dang thing!

My amazing birthday gift!

Yesterday was my birthday. I am definitely feeling one year older......or two....or three.....but am wondering when the wiser part kicks in.

Still no photos posted and for good reason. It has nothing to do with the fact that it is 12:30 in the morning and I'm supposed to be in bed yet again and will get a big spankin' on my bottom for staying up so late. I have my reasons for that too but more on that another day.

No, the reason I've no pictures posted goes very much hand in hand with my birthday! You see, if you haven't figured it out yet reading my blog, let me inform you that I am married to thee most amazing man on the planet. In our galaxy, in all the galaxies in the entire universe and beyond!

Here's the deal. I can't keep a secret to save my life. Well, important ones I can but the kind where I secretly get my SM a gift and then I'm supposed to keep it a secret until his birthday....or Christmas......etc. I can't do it. I beg him to ask me to give him a clue. He doesn't even ask me to drop hints along the way. "I got ya a gift........it's really awesome.......aren't ya gonna ask what it is.......aren't ya gonna ask me to give you a hint......." He doesn't bite and it really irritates me because I'm just dying to tell him!

So, my birthday came and my SM hands me a big heavy box and when I unwrapped it I just sat there staring and then I asked him if he was joking! Was this really what I thought it was. And then I wanted to cry cuz it is something I've wanted for a really long time but you know me, my hints have been super subtle so how in the world did he guess?? Snort.....I can be subtle!!

How in the world was this possible cuz it is really expensive and then I half heartedly (with fingers crossed behind my back) did the noble thing and told my SM to take it back cuz, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FOOD STORAGE WE COULD BUY WITH THIS THING".......and then I had to repent and say sorry cuz my SM told me he'd bought this gift quite some time ago before our penny pinching days (dumb economy) and to my relief, too much time had passed. They won't take it back. Darn........

How does he do it? How does a person get another person a gift with such magnitude and keep it a secret for so long? I think there is something seriously wrong with my SM. I sure do love him though despite this flaw.

Ring dem bells!

You are so not gonna believe what I just did. I reached the top and rang the bell. Honest! I promise! I did! And I have photos to prove it.......excepting my SM has my camera........and I'm supposed to be taking a nap........so if I got the camera from him to down load the photos........he'd know I wasn't taking a nap.....and spank my bottom........

You're just gonna have to trust me and when I'm allowed to get up from my nap maybe I can snatch the camera from my SM to prove that for the first time in my life I climbed a rock wall and I made it to the very top!

Yes, you heard right folks. Me, scared of heights made it to the top of a wall that was like 500 feet tall. Okay, not quite that tall but when you are way up there it mine as well be and when you look down and are told to "let go" and "fall"........your body starts to shake unnaturally and you can't let go and so you cling to the wall until the shaking over powers you and you have to let go and then you FALL.......only it isn't so bad cuz you're hooked to this really cool rope thingy that helps you to fall gently ever so slowly down. It's called repelling only I didn't do it so gracefully and when I landed on my bottom on the ground my hands were shaking so bad and my forearms were BURNING! Yes, I tell you BURNING. But I rang the bell!!!

Now hush cuz I'm napping.........do I get a prize for ringing the bell?

And they all rolled over and one fell out.......

When my baby sis was here we shuffled the natives around and had some sharing beds, some on the couch, and some on the floor.



It is during times like these that I am so grateful my kids are such heavy sleepers. There is no way I'd be able to sleep with a big ol' lug head using me for a pillow!

That thing he does.

I just love that thing he does. My SM. He's been doing it for as long as I've known him. At the end of the day when we can finally sit down he stretches out to read a book on the floor making sure that he is positioned so that where ever I am sitting my feet rest on his back.

Even like last night when I've gone all day without socks in my shoes and my feet are stinky! I was sitting on the couch knitting another pair of leg warmers for my niece (I'm going for purple Miss Piggy legs this time) and a few minutes later here comes my SM sprawling himself on his tummy next to the couch so that the only place to put my stinky feet is on his broad sexy back.

Did I ever tell you that I love my SM's back? I do. I do a lot and just to show him how much I love his sexy back I'm going to knit me a pair of slippers so that my feet look like big balls of yarn gone bad but at least they won't stink. Or maybe I should knit my SM some big cotton balls to stuff up his nose......that might be more affective. I'm all about pleasing others.

What do you do with leftover yarn?

When I finished my baby girl's demented bunny I had quite a bit of yarn left. What do you do with left over yarn? I'm a quilter....or at least I used to be BWN (before West Nile). Any left over fabric I hoarded and used in scrappy quilts. My favorite kind of quilt! Yarn? Seriously, what do you do? Put it in the "craft" box that contains all sorts of odds and ends that I deem useless to me but great for the natives to explore with I guess.



My baby sis has left. She left on Monday and I was terribly sad. I'm still mourning. While she was here she told me about how baby leg warmers were popular. Babies wear them with a diaper cover and a t-shirt and little shoes. How adorable! I was ready to grab my SM right then and there and have him help me produce a baby so I could put my baby in some of these leg warmers but my sister came to my SM's rescue and suggested I make some for her baby. It isn't quite the same is it? I won't bore you with a long monologue about how WNV (West Nile Virus) has changed my life and how some days I'm not very brave and I feel really sorry for myself and I want the physical and emotional pain to go away. Instead, I get to sit and take up things like......knitting.......So, living vicariously through others and in this case, my baby sis it'll have to do so that is what I did. I made her baby some leg warmers and I am so proud of myself.



Not only have I made a demented bunny but I've now made my baby niece look like she has Big Bird legs!



Isn't she adorable? I hope my baby sis has a bunch more of these since I can't anymore.

I made a demented bunny all by myself!

My baby girl wanted me to make her a knit bunny. Since I am learning to knit I thought it would be fun. She and I headed off to the yarn store and I let her pick out the yarn. She wanted a hot pink bunny.

Looking at the finished product eating her salad that my baby girl placed before her I am trying to decide if she is a demented bunny or a demented piglet.......either way, I think I've found my niche in life. President and CEO of the Dysfunctional Knit Whits!

Smitten

One of the things my baby sis brought along with in her luggage was this cute ball of rolly polly sweet butteryness.




Its been a long time since we've had one of these in our house. We're all taken with her and are considering hiding her so that when my baby sis leaves she forgets all about her and leaves her with us. If we don't......who will this native read "Frog and Toad" to? It's a difficult dilemma.

There is always a silver lining.......it could always be worse....

Last night Brian and I went to the temple. For those who are not members of this church, the temple is the house of the Lord where we go to serve others who have gone from this life.

When we got there we parked in the furthest parking lot there is. The place was full. As we hiked up the hill and came panting into the temple the gentleman at the counter who takes your recommend and checks to see if it is current asked where we'd parked. We told him and then I told him, "at least it wasn't clear down at the Macey's grocery store parking lot, it could always be worse"!

We had a great session and as we were finishing and going to the dressing rooms "that feeling" came over me and I thought......OH NO! Not here! Bad things aren't supposed to happen at the temple right? You're not supposed to get a bloody nose....or have gas.......or drop your locker keys in the toilet (which I've done.......)......we're in the house of the Lord!

Thankfully, Brian was still with me so we ducked into a classroom where I shaked, rattled, and rolled for a bit. When the seizure was over as I was laying on the floor I had to laugh to myself. I've "dozed" during a session before (don't tell anyone) but I've never actually stretched out and taken a nap in the temple before.

We always joke about all the little old ladies who are so helpful in the temple. Oh boy are they ever. I couldn't be left alone so I had an entire entourage helping me in the locker room, a wheel chair (chariot) was fetched, and as I was waiting for Brian to go clear down to the bottom parking lot to get our car every old person in the temple offered their assistance and desire to wheel me out of there.

I had to laugh....yup, it could always be worse. The sister who I was going through the temple for got her work completed and I got a nice nap after in the process. I would have to say the evening was quite the success!

The boy of many faces

The native's cousins are visiting and this little one kept us quite entertained the other evening while we were eating dinner with his many "faces". (Sorry for the side view.....the person holding the camera has her head on crooked......)



Happy face




Mad face




Sad face.....so sad everything looks blurry through my tears.....



When he finally realized I was catching all of his faces on camera his brother got in on the act.

If you've fallen and you can't get up.......order room service.

If one should happen to tank really bad and have the ugly seizure visitor come a knocking again.......one becomes very grateful for baby sista and her ability to cook some pretty darn good food! She also does laundry! I think I'll keep her around for awhile........

Bulletin......Announcement......News...

My baby sis is here. We're gonna be kind of busy doing very important things. Talking, laughing, giggling, talking, laughing, giggling, IQ's dropping by the second so that by the end of the week the natives will be taking care of us.





We do this from time to time. It's what happens when we get together. We've gone to therapy, rehab, 12 steps, time and time again but there isn't any hope for us.





The bad news is there isn't a cure.....the good news is that it is only temporary and as soon as my baby sis leaves in a week......or two......or three.........things will align themselves and I'll be back to fixing meals the natives heave at and scrubbing toilets.

A boy and his dog are inseparable......unless there's a door in the way.

I need to live out in the country. It would make Julie's life easier. Here in town, and I don't understand why.........neighbors do not appreciate this red headed side kick of Levi's doing her "business" in their yards!

The sad thing is that this poor red head and Levi are inseparable unless he wants to play outside. She has to stay inside and it literally drives her batty. She can hear him, she can sense him, but she can't get to him so she is reduced to pacing. It truly is the saddest thing to watch. Back and forth she goes. To the door, to the windows in the front of the house, downstairs to the windows in the back of the house, back up to the door, to the front windows.....it goes on and on. I'm surprised my carpets don't have a trail worn in them from her. (Once again....one of the natives is practicing piano in the background.....they say music makes a movie.....I think we're gonna hit the box office with this one.)




A boy should never be separated from his dog........I need a fence.....



"Maybe if I check the door just one more time....Levi will come barging through"



"I can see him. He's right there! Why won't he come back inside where I can keep a better eye on him"?



"Perhaps if I just check the door again. Maybe I missed something the last gazillion times I checked".



"All this pacing is exhausting me. Maybe I'll just lay down here for a minute and watch the door".



"Oh but I can't. What if I miss something? Sniff....and humans think THEY have it rough....try being a nursemaid to a rambunctious boy! Now that's RUFF"!

These guys make "work" look fun.

When there are certain rules pertaining to using the garden hose, one must go to extremes thus making it appear that one is working when one is actually playing. That way ones mother does not think you are wasting water when in fact.....you are!

Good thing the natives have such a gullible mum. Now if they could just teach her how to fix her babies shorts so they don't keep falling down......

Weeds, please go away!

Spending two years on the couch does horrible things to ones gardens. The weeds take over and then you can't see these:






Every spring our arbor comes alive in splendid red. While eating out on our back patio we get to enjoy this red blaze.




Now, you listen here weeds. I'm trying to get on top of you this year and I'm making the natives sweat blood and tears right along with me so do me a favor and go be ob"noxious" to someone else.


You aint wanted here! Don't take it personal....

Look at my new tanning bed!

One of the things that helps with the pain that I get with West Nile is heat. In the winter I'd make the natives build me a fire and I'd sit with my back inches away toasting my back. There is nothing like the heat from a wood stove. It is quite loverly.

Every once in awhile I go to a tanning bed especially on the days when the pain is real feisty and I lay there in the heat letting it absorb into my body. The problem with that is I hate getting in the car and driving so far just to go and rest on a bunch of heated light bulbs for a few minutes only to get back in the car and come home. I realize I shouldn't complain. It isn't like when I was growing up and we'd have to drive almost two hours to the big "city". I'm minutes away but I'm all about convenience and I am growing up in the "I want it NOW" generation so I indulged myself and bought me my very own tanning bed.




Isn't it cute?



And look! It even has its very own thermometer installed so I know just exactly at what temperature I am baking myself.......I just LOVE modern conveniences.




I do have this one complaint. Look what it did to my thighs!



They melted. I was going to take back my tanning bed right then and there but I remembered something my sister had said once. She said if you put hemorrhoid cream under your eyes it takes those bags and firms em right up. An old beauty pageant trick or something so I figured if it works on the bags under my eyes then maybe just maybe if I slathered that cream all over my thighs they too might firm up.




It worked! My sister is a genius.




Not only did the pain go away but my thighs firmed right up. Next time I'm going to slather my entire body in that cream. I wonder if there is some way to smear it on my brain....my brain could use some firming up these days........

I really really like this idea!

Tonight for our Family Home Evening activity I think I will present this idea to the natives. I already keep a daily journal but want to incorporate this idea into my journal keeping and I think it will help the natives if they take a moment each day especially on the days when they think I've been really horrible to them to recognize the Lord's hand in their day.

This morning I could smell the Russian Olive trees and it filled my bedroom. It smelled soooo good. I see the Lord's hand in the beauty around us and partook of it this morning.

How about you? Where have you seen the Lord's hand in your day thus far?