Empathy

Image by Josh Pentasuglia

I have never understood those who have an addiction to pain killers. Prescription drugs. Our last baby Mr. J was almost lost because my doctor at the time was addicted to prescription drugs and so I was not given the care I needed. Signs that should have been noticed that something wasn't right were missed. Thankfully, after some time in the NICU Mr. J was able to come home and as you can see, leads a pretty healthy life.

I know that pain killers can be addicting and knowing that I have an addictive personality I have stayed away from them as much as possible. With the major surgery I just underwent not taking painkillers wasn't an option. Maybe an option for someone tougher than me but I'm a wimp. I went for the drugs.

I've joked about the Lortab and being loopy and out of it but as much as I've joked about it, I've actually hated it. You literally can't function. All the things that you would normally do to pass the time, you can't! You can't read, too cross eyed, you can't knit, too cross eyed and can't concentrate, you can't watch TV, makes you dizzy and nauseous. Yesterday I'd had enough and went off of the Lortab. Last night as I lay in bed waiting for the drugs to drain out of my body it really struck me. Those who have addictions to these drugs. Any drug for that matter. I don't condone it but in a small way I can understand it.

When you are on a drug such as Lortab, for me it not only took away physical pain it took everything away. Emotions.....feelings........it literally makes you numb! I felt like I was sleeping through each day when in fact, you think you are sleeping but you're not! The world is passing you by and you're not aware.

I would lay in bed thinking I'd slept for an hour or more. I'd look at the clock and (you'd think I would be shocked but you're numb....there's no shock) only a minute or two would have passed. Days and nights go on this way. You don't care. You watch the clock slowly ticking and think more time has passed. Quite literally a circus show could be going on in your bedroom and you won't bat an eye! Your house would burn down around you and you'd roll over and think, "oh well......". And you think I'm exaggerating! Okay, maybe a little but you get the idea.

If you were in pain emotionally and mentally you would want relief from that pain and this stuff would do it... Do I agree with this? Absolutely not! Have I been in that kind of pain to know what I am talking about? You betcha!

So, I have empathy. I don't agree with it.....my heart goes out to all those who are in that much pain that they feel this is the only way to numb or take it away. Notice I didn't say fix it. A pill can't do that but our Savior Jesus Christ can. And does!