A New Year Begins........

Love this man.  We just celebrated 20 years of wedded bliss.  I'm blessed.

This photo says and means everything to me.  It speaks volumes about love, family, a daddy who loves his children and spends time with them, security, the future, my whole world.  Happiness.

2012 has been an amazing year in some ways and tough in others.  It started out difficult with my health but as the year progressed I was blessed and accomplished many things.  Huge projects with the youth program in my church.  A 1/2 marathon.  More huge programs with the youth.  More days of good health than days of bad health.

It was also a year of loss.  The passing of a dear friend.  The passing of some hopes and dreams.  As the year came to a close it went with my heart hurting and me on my knees wondering if I'd have the strength or desire for that matter to keep trusting.  There are some things that we have no control over.  Things that we have to put in God's hands and believe and know that His hands hold our troubles better than we ever could.

This past Sunday I was given a message from our Father.  The person giving the message had no idea that they were speaking to me, giving me a message from our Father.  That is usually how He does it.

This story was read during a lesson to the youth:

One of my favorite stories from the Savior’s life is the story of Lazarus. The scriptures tell us that “Jesus loved Martha, … her sister [Mary], and [their brother] Lazarus.”¹ Word was sent to Jesus that Lazarus was very ill, but Jesus did not come immediately; He stayed away two more days, stating that “this sickness is … for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.”²

Hearing that Jesus was coming, Martha “went and met him,”³ telling Him what had happened. Lazarus had “lain in the grave four days already.”⁴Grieving, Martha ran back to her home to tell Mary that the Lord had come.⁵ Mary, weighed down with sorrow, ran to Jesus, fell down at His feet, and wept.⁶

We are told that “when Jesus therefore saw [Mary] weeping, … he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,” and asked where they had laid him.

“They said unto him, Lord, come and see.”⁷

Then we read some of the most compassionate, loving words in scripture: “Jesus wept.”⁸

Apostle James E. Talmage wrote, “The sight of the two women so overcome by grief … caused Jesus to sorrow [with them] so that He groaned in spirit and was deeply troubled.”⁹ This experience testifies of the compassion, empathy, and love that our Savior and our Heavenly Father feel for each of us every time we are weighed down by the anguish, sin, adversity, and pains of life.

Dear sisters, our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, know us and love us. They know when we are in pain or suffering in any way. They do not say, “It’s OK that you’re in pain right now because soon everything is going to be all right. You will be healed, or your husband will find a job, or your wandering child will come back.” They feel the depth of our suffering, and we can feel of Their love and compassion in our suffering.

I listened to the message that I was being given and it burned within my heart.  The things that I want fixed now, the Lord knows.  He also knows what is best and what will bring the most learning and growth and so he tarries for a few days.  It doesn't mean that He doesn't know or care.  As I grieve and weep, He weeps.

Later as the Lord raises Lazarus from the dead, the same will happen for me.  For all of us.  The things we weep for will be healed and 'raised from the dead'.

As I look to this New Year, a fresh start, I look with a feeling of peace in my heart.  In the past I've told myself that it could always be worse and to be grateful for what I have.  This is still true but this year, I choose to stop looking for things that are worse to try and help make things not seem so bad around me.  Instead I hope to focus on the hands stretched out to me, to reach for those hands, and to keep my eyes focused and reaching to those hands and let Him take the burdens that seem at times so heavy on my shoulders and heart.