Making memories one day at a time.......and then I write about it.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Feelings. We're supposed to 'feel' them............

In the church I belong to, (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) the youth are broken up into groups by age.  There is the Primary which is ages 18 months to 11 years of age.  Then there is the YoungMen/YoungWomen who are ages 12-18.  I am over the Young Women ages 12-18.  Particularly the age 14-15 age group.

I don't know if it is just me....... or if we live in a society that suppresses our emotions and feelings.  I know that I am by nature a peace maker.  I don't like confrontation at all.  I don't like to rock the boat.  But, if you cross The Native's, The SM, or the youth in my church, my friends........ I become a big huge ugly green mess of rage.  I'll put on my boxing gloves and go the full 9 rounds.  It's 9 rounds right?

Then why pray tell, do I not do the same for myself?  I came to a conclusion last night.  I gave myself permission because I want the youth I am over, especially the young women to know, they can fight back.  They can stand up for themselves and it is okay.  It is okay to feel anger and frustration when we are being attacked in anyway.  Emotionally, physically, verbally, etc.

I know for me, I honestly do try so hard to do what is right and be Christ-like. Shocking...... I know.  I realized last night though, that suppressing our feelings is not what the Savior would do!  He gets angry!  Our Heavenly Father gets angry!  It's righteous anger but it is anger never the less!  What we do with the anger determines if we are being Christ-like.

Years ago when I placed my daughter for adoption I remember my father telling me that it was okay to mourn.  It was okay to take that time to mourn.  He cautioned me not to let it consume me; mourn and then move on with my life.

I think it is the same with things that are upsetting in our lives.  Go ahead and be angry.  Don't let it consume, but go ahead and feel those feelings and then move on.  Let the Savior's grace take it from us and become better people because of it...

Am I making any sense??

25 comments:

  1. My sil once told me that we do ourselves a disservice by labeling feelings as "good" or "bad," and feeling guilty for feeling that way! Her view is that feelings just "are." What we choose to do with them may be good or bad...but the feelings themselves are just part of being human.

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    1. I like that. I agree. That whole guilt thing....... man it's a pain in the bahootie. I'm so good at it!!!

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  2. I think Korrie's sil was right. Envy is a bad emotion - there are some bad ones - but most emotions are odd mixes - happiness, guilt, joy, worry. The feelings are there, I think, to alert us to the chemical states of our brain and bodies - chemical states that may affect our actions. Once we "feel" something - then the mature human makes a decision as to how to react. Anger is an alert - then we decide how to deal with the situation - do we obey the body and either run or strike out? Or do we obey the mind and stand straight, tall and calmly, refusing to be walked on, or to be manipulated into gut response? If we don't react by doing anything except shutting ourselves down, the anger not only will never go away; it will build over the years. Like the tears I didn't mean to let fall yesterday, talking about those experiences so long ago - experiences I back then simply just swallowed, allowing the treatment to go on without doing something measured and adult about it.

    So, yeah - you're making sense.

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    1. But is envy bad if say, you see a neighbor and you envy how she parents her children and so because of that, you look at your situation and make the changes for the better?

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  3. Also this: I don't believe that being a peacemaker means keeping quiet in the face of a situation that should be dealt with. That doesn't make peace inside of you - it makes building fire and resentment - and it doesn't make peace for the world, because the offending situation is only going to grow in confidence and continue to do harm to others, disturbing their peace, and it doesn't help the offender, who isn't learning the truth about how other people feel around them and so goes ahead thinking that their behavior is normal and justified. Speaking IN ANGER is not what I'm talking about. Dealing is what I'm talking about.

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    1. I agree. And by being a peacemaker, if we don't act, then in actuality, we are giving the person permission to behave the way they are and treat us the way they do.

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    2. Peacemaker = Make peace, not keep your peace.

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  4. And women and girls need to learn that saying NO is not being rude.

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  5. Yes. It makes sense and it is something that I struggle with all the time. I have been know to stand straight and tall, refusing to be pushed around for the sake of "my kids"...maybe not as calmly as I could, but protecting them nonetheless. I cry at movies and stories and music and art....often! But, here's the problem. I don't cry about my dad's situation, or when my pets die, or when I get hurt....those are about me and if I cried about them, people would know something about me. I don't laugh enough or dance for joy enough. How did I get to be this private person and why? Am I being the 'strong' one or the ostrich? Hmmmm.

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    1. I know! See? That's me? All of it except the crying during movies or stories or art or music. I 'feel' those emotions and oh how I want to let them out but I can't! WHY?? Why in the world can't I sit and blubber 'just because'. I am always checking myself/tears/emotions....

      Good questions....... I give you permission Donna, not only do I give you permission but I order you :) to start feeling your emotions and let them out! :D

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    2. I meant, "That's me!!!!!!" Exclamation mark. Not question mark.

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    3. Too scary...what if I start and can't stop sharing my feelings? I can do anger and righteous indignation (sp?)but even that I am teaching myself to squelch. I am praying to be softer and more open....more observant and vulnerable.
      For me and you!

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    4. I would just like to be able to control my tears when I am at work. Sometimes I get passionate about something and tears come that I don't want or need.

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  6. I think feeling the feelings (different from their expression, because everyone does this in their own way) is a big step in processing the feelings, which is the moving on that you speak of. But it's important to remember that sometimes, the feelings must simply be integrated into our life experience. There's no getting over some things. They must be acknowledged as part of our becoming. Building blocks, however painful they may be.

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    1. Well said Wabi. I agree. The experiences I've been through are what have made me who I am today. The good things and the painful things. The painful things make it so I am more compassionate and have empathy. Or at least I try........

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  7. Expressing ourselves in all ways is the healthy thing to do. Learning confrontation skills is something I believe all women and men alike need to have. It is absolutely OK (IMHO) to express our feelings when we are hurt, intruded upon, and other. Not only is it OK, but it is necessary for the health of our mind and body. We owe it to ourselves and as Christians. But the cautious thing is we have a choice on how we express. That's where I believe the "tools" come into play. I learned a lot over the years in a professional setting that allowed me to better "professionally" express myself in a personal setting. It truly is a maturing event to grow in these tools and make good choices as we express. There are plenty of soft ways to express (stand up for ourselves).

    I think it also natural for you to have the courage to stand up for those you love more than yourself. To me, it's like looking in a mirror when you say this. It is just your make up. How you are wired. But keep on having the courage to stand up for yourself too, it will be much healthier in the end.

    We have bread plenty of cowards in this world in this age. On a stark scale- The media and such has deemed it ok to stand by and watch a gang rape. The media and such has made it ok to stand by and watch someone else be beaten. It is shocking really. On a broader scale- the up and rising generation is a product of our society's environment. Only we can change that. One ole "Stand up for ourselves" at a time.

    God Bless you my dear! You are making a huge difference in this world in my opinion. You have great morals, a strong constitution and a loving heart. All of that in the works of the Lord is success at its finest. Not money or status.

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    1. I am slowly learning these tools. My first instinct is to explode. I'm working on taking a breath and trying to see things from all sides. Not to take some things personal. There isn't enough time in a day for garbage like that.

      When I am personally attacked, in an abusive situation, well, I'm working on it. :) I'm working on practicing what I preach. That I am a daughter of God and need to be treated as such.

      You are wonderful Jody! God gave me a great gift the day he planted you in my life.

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    2. Aww, sweetie, you are the true gift! And thank you. Don't ya think it's always about learning? I do. We are all weak, and far from perfect. I too constantly have to remember to humble myself...and constantly check that god given gift of that filter between my brain and my mouth. The danger is when we stop trying and let our emotions take over. I don't think we ever stop growing.

      And if you are being personally attacked, in an abusive situation.....well by god you can keep working on it all you want but that's where I draw the line. I'm coming over to kick some butt! Immediately.

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    3. Is it always about learning? Very much so! I think/know we'll keep learning even after our time here on earth. I'm glad of that. I do love to learn and progress and you're right, it is when we stop trying and that whole emotion thing........ arrgh! Yeah. My mouth goes off all of the time before the brain kicks in. Working on that one....

      I'll let you know if ever I need you to come and kick some butt! Between the two of us, we ought to be able to get the job done. I know several other women who would join hands/forces with us and boy would we be a mighty force to reckon with!!!

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  8. I love everyone's comments on this subject because I have such a hard time with it. Growing up I learned by example not to rock the boat. Now as an adult though, I see how flawed that theory is. So I've thought about this a lot over the last few days and have decided in which categories I belong and in which ones I need more work. I am really good at getting angry (though I tend to hold it inside), but not so good at sticking up for myself or letting those who have made me angry know how they made me feel. That being said, I have discovered I am excellent at forgiving and really try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I have come to realize that there isn't much that a good cry can't wash away. Let's just say my eyes are really good at showing their feelings. ;)

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    1. Exactly!!! I can say amen to pretty much all you've said here except the watery eyes. :) I wish I could cry. I cry at stupid times like when I am embarrassed. Hello! I'm already embarrassed so let's just add some tears to it to make it all the worse!

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