Making memories one day at a time.......and then I write about it.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Ewwww Dee Toilet!



I do not like perfume.  Much.  When I walk in the mall and those lovely people try to give me a sample I'm one of those that scurries over to the other side averting my eyes.  Please don't spray me!  The stuff gives me a headache and to me, it smells something awful.  Usually.  I don't like strong floral smells and perfume has this, this.......  I don't know, SMELL!  I just don't like!  It's strong and it's not pleasing to me.  So, I don't normally wear perfume!

About a week or so ago, I was in the mall in the store, "Sephora".  No, I wasn't lost.  Believe it or not, I was actually there on purpose!  I know!  Me, in a store that sells make-up and beauty products.  Go figure.  But alas, there I was buying some stuff for my daughter........see???  You thought I was there for me......... anyway, I was paying for the stuff I was buying and the cashier slipped in some samples into my bag .  When I got home and looked, I noticed one was this little tiny vile of perfume!

Huh.  Do I dare?  Sure!  I'd already gone to a beauty supply store, I was feeling reckless and brave so I sprayed the stuff and gave a sniff.  Hmm.  Felt my forehead.  Am I feeling okay?  I sprayed and then sniffed again.  Is this possible??  Have I actually found a perfume that I like?  I sprayed some on my neck and went searching for The Scout Master.  Found him busy at work and leaned in waving my hands around my neck because I learned that whole, "whiff thing" in Chemistry class back in High School.  You don't smell-sniff, you whiff.  You take your hands and direct what ever it is you are trying to get up your snuffleupagus and you whiff.  So, I'm trying to help The Scout Master whiff and he's looking at me puzzled.  "Whiff"!  I tell him as I am waving my hands in front of his face with my neck extended.  "What do you think"?

I think he thinks that this is yet more proof that crazy reaches all sorts of levels.  Still puzzled, I have to explain to him that I've tried on perfume which makes his eyes bug out as he knows how I feel about perfume.  I ask him what he thinks of the scent and does he like it because I really really like this one.  It isn't strong.  It isn't flowery.  It's subtle.  I like it!!  The SM's response isn't very encouraging.  The perfume is okay he guesses but in typical man fashion he says it isn't his favorite but if I like it, he'll learn to like it because he'll associate it with me.  Good.  Cuz I like it!

I wear it all week.  I am so excited about this tiny little vile that I don't want to waste even one tiny spritz.  I make sure it is positioned just so before I spray it because heaven forbid I should spray and miss my neck and hit the wall behind me.  I'd have to turn around and rub my neck all over the wall to try and transfer and can you imagine how that would look to The SM if he caught me??  "What in the world are you doing??"  "Hellooooo!  I'm necking the wall!  What does it look like"?  And then, I'd have to flounce past him like that was the most normal thing in the world.  Rubbing one's neck on the wall like a cat rubbing back and forth on a person's leg trying to get them to pet them.

The inevitable happened.  My little sample ran out.  That's okay though!  I know where to buy some because I AM going to buy some.  There is something in this perfume that seriously, I am in love with.  Not only does it smell good to me but I want to wear it!  I want to whiff it all day long!  I'm obsessed with it!  I love the smell that much!!

Date night last night.  The SM takes me to dinner but not before we head to "Sephora" to buy me some perfume.  We walk into the store and yes, this is twice now that I am in a beauty store.  Don't get lost on stupid details.  Just because I don't know how to use the stuff!!  Back to the store.  I head straight to the wall full of Women's Fragrances and, do you find that name, "Women's Fragrances" funny?  I do.  Sorry.  I know.  I digress.  I'm a mother of a lot of boys.  This is why I'm not allowed in beauty shops!

Walking the displays.  The SM and I are searching for the perfume.  The SM asks me what the name of the stuff is.  I tell him that I don't know.  The writing is in white and it's hard to see but there is a big number 1 on the bottle and the word Million.  "Just look for a 1 and a Million babe!.  Hahaha!  I am sooo funny!  Get it??  Get it??  Oh wait!  You can stop looking.  I'm right here!"

The SM isn't amused.  It's the "fragrances".  They are getting to me.  We look.  And look.  And look.  We can't find it!  It's not there!  How can this be??  They gave me a free sample which means they want me to buy it!  It has got to be here.  We look some more.  It isn't there.  Are you kidding me?  Of course I finally have found a perfume that I absolutely love and dream about and now I can't find it.  I start to hold my little sample vile in my hands super tight and wonder if there is some way to preserve the fumes from the little tiny drop I can see left in the bottom.

I turn around desperately looking to see if there are any more, "Women's Fragrances" that we might have missed and look straight into the display of, "Men's Fragrances" and a box with a big 1 and the word, "Million" on it.  I look down at the little vile I am holding clutched in my hand.  I look back up to the box and slowly start to walk over to the "Men's Fragrances" display.  I read the box.  "1 Million Cologne".  I look at the little tiny vile and squint at the white writing.  "1 Million Cologne".

COLOGNE?????  Are you kidding me???  Everything starts to make sense.  Me, wanting to lick the very contents of the bottle I am holding.  The SM being less than thrilled with my new 'perfume'.  I had been wearing men's cologne...........  oh the defeat!  The anguish!  The..............  I turn and look at The SM.  My eyes are gleaming.  The SM does that uncomfortable shift and looks towards the exit because he knows the gleam... I'm scheming.  All is not lost!  I start to grin.  I still do not like perfume, but cologne on the other hand.........  "Hey honey!!!  If you rub your neck on my neck then we can transfer the Cologne on my neck onto yours!  We'd be necking!!!  Get it??  Get it????"

17 comments:

  1. This. This could be a whole episode on your very own sit com!

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  2. Oh, my gosh you make me laugh so much. I love it "We'd be necking!" :) You really should publish a book.

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    1. I laughed my way out the store. I thought it was hilarious that this whole week I've been wearing Men's Cologne! I seriously, really, truly am, that one kind of "special"....... Kinda like, Wal-Mart special.

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  3. Bahaha! Ditto to what everyone else said.

    Whiff. Necking. That it was cologne. Oh my, too funny!

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    1. Serves me right!! Being such a 'fragrance' snob! :D

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  4. Okay - first comment. Did you MEAN to spell it "vile"? A vile of perfume? I had to look up the spelling because I realized I had no idea how to spell that word. It turns out to be VIAL. So what you wrote was really ironic and hilarious. And I don't think you even knew it. But maybe you did. I think, generally, you spell better than I do.

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    1. Oh how funny!!! I wish I could say I was that clever but I forgot that vile was also spelled vial and dang it! Sometimes, I am that clever but this time, admittedly, I was not! But you were!!!!!

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  5. Finished reading. You are SO BAD. (and so dang funny) Did all the people in the ship stop and stare at the woman with the crazy laugh, rolling on the floor?

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    1. No, they all jumped ship because they were afraid it was catching. ;) As for the shop.... the sales lady graciously joined in laughter with me when I told her of my blunder. I liked her!

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  6. Oh my gosh. I just found your blog today due to your artist friend's pinning your chicken coop! I'm currently laid up...(layed up?)...I don't know and don't care...with a broken foot. Never been bored a moment in my life until this. I SO needed a laugh and you SO delivered. Thank you! Your humor is very therapeutic.

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    1. Oh, now you're in for it. Hanging out with us is an exercise in crazy!

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    2. I'm so sorry you have a broken foot! I am glad that I can oblige you with humor. It's how we get through life, yes? I have no problem laughing at myself as I am constantly giving myself fodder to do so!

      Get better and heal quickly! "They" say laughter is the best medicine so laugh away!

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  7. Oh my gosh. I just found your blog today due to your artist friend's pinning your chicken coop! I'm currently laid up...(layed up?)...I don't know and don't care...with a broken foot. Never been bored a moment in my life until this. I SO needed a laugh and you SO delivered. Thank you! Your humor is very therapeutic.

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  8. Oh my gosh. I just found your blog today due to your artist friend's pinning your chicken coop! I'm currently laid up...(layed up?)...I don't know and don't care...with a broken foot. Never been bored a moment in my life until this. I SO needed a laugh and you SO delivered. Thank you! Your humor is very therapeutic.

    ReplyDelete

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