Monday, January 25, 2016
Monday. Say No More.
I open my bedroom door and am hit in the face with something so rank that I want to shove tampons up my nose as I launch myself out of my bedroom window. Who cares that I am two stories up and haven't taken off the screen first. Everything in me is screaming, "Noooooo!! Run!!! Far, far away!!!" There are some days when big girl pants aren't big enough and I don't want to be the adult anymore.
I have to get Levi off to school. The bus is coming in a half hour so I have to get him breakfast, feed him, dress him, get his teeth brushed, make him lunch, and to do this, I must venture forth where ever the smell is emanating from! At this point, it is so vile I am surprised that radiation or nuclear alarms haven't gone off in the city.
With nose covered and eyes watering, I descend the stairs into the living room and am confronted with the source. Cinder. The big black Labradoodle is whimpering in her kennel and there is carnage everywhere. She has gotten sick and diarrheaed in her kennel and if it is possible for a 60 pound dog to stand on her tipsy toes in the farthest corner trying to get away from death, she is doing it. I will give her credit. She did do her darnedest to keep away and out of the mess but how one keeps out of the mess of an obvious explosion is beyond me and quite impossible. We're not talking a little squelchy drivel or squirt here. We're talking someone put Mentos in a Coke bottle and shook it up and let it rip!
How in the world am I supposed to carry and get this behemoth of a dog up into the bathroom to get her cleaned up, never mind the kennel mess and REALLY???? This had to happen in the winter so I can't just haul everything out into the yard and hose it all off??? And did I mention that the bus is coming in a half hour and I have to get Levi on it??
I get the dog up into the tub and scrub her down and then promptly leave her in the bathroom. She wants to know what in the world she did to deserve a time out and I am wishing I could have a time out. I get Levi up and scramble through his morning routine all the while trying to answer Levi's question as to why it smells so bad, why the mess is still sitting there, why haven't I cleaned it up??? Because it smells so bad!!!
"Be grateful kid, you get to get on a bus and leave this mess"!
Levi finally is on the bus and I continue to detox the house and carpet. Hours, yes, hours later, it is finally done.
Two things. I literally went to hell this morning and I didn't cuss once!! I am so proud of myself! I thought it and I was close and I wanted to!!! But, I didn't. I think the fumes got to me because I still don't know how I managed that what with it being such a crappy morning and all........
And second, I have never been so grateful for a nose full of boogers in all my life! Woke up with a nose that needed honking and I tell you what! I kept those things lodged good and tight all morning until after the mess was cleaned up and THEN, I honked my snoz!
Other than babies and toddlers, who knew boogers could be a beautiful thing!?
Hey! When you're in a war, you take what ever you can to fight back!!! Don't judge!
P.S. I'm going to go and take a bath now and celebrate boogers, not cussing, and essential oils I can diffuse and get rid of radioactive smells!