Making memories one day at a time.......and then I write about it.

Monday, July 23, 2012

All Is Well

Levi is up.
Levi is talking.
Levi is carrying around a pack of gum.
Levi is back.

I had a thought yesterday while I was in church.  We are taught that if we are prepared, we shall not fear.  In the past, I've had peace of mind.  I'm not saying it has been easy.  I've written before about the many times I have knelt sobbing asking the Lord to please preserve Levi's life but if it isn't His will, to please give me the strength to bear it.

When Levi has gone down in the past, I have prayed and have felt the peace and comfort of what ever happens.........  all will be well.......

This past weekend when Levi went down.  I didn't.  I didn't want to pray.  It makes no sense and is ridiculous but in my warped frame of mind at that moment I thought that if I didn't pray, I wouldn't have to face the consequences.  That somehow by me not praying........ I would stay the hand of God and stop what ever was going to happen from happening.  As I stated in my last post.  I am grateful to a loving Father who doesn't give up on me.

The fact is, I was not prepared....... so I feared..........

I have let some things slip that I am normally diligent about.  I haven't been studying my scriptures daily like in the past and I haven't been as diligent in my daily prayers as I've been in the past.

That thought hit me yesterday as I sat in church wondering why I had reacted differently this time than in the past..........

I am human.  I make mistakes.  I can try again so that next time when the storms blow, I can be at peace so that I am prepared and therefore, I shall not fear.

Thanks again for indulging me.  Just doing like I always do!  Keepin' it real...............

Post Note:  Okay, so maybe I spoke a little too soon.  Levi is not quite back to 100% but he is making an amazing comeback and although my heart is still a little constricted, a furrow in my brow of concern, I am much relieved at the progress he is making.  

18 comments:

  1. I think I know why it was different this time.

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    1. What? I don't answer the original question of where I was so you're not gonna answer? :D

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    2. Sorry, house full of family right now. Not real diligent on the computer. It's not your faith honey. That I am sure. Call when you get a chance this week. Muah!

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  2. Ah, blessings! And how lucky we are to have a God who is patient and loving and patient....really patient!
    Love you.
    d.

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    1. Love you too Donna! I can't wait to meet you soon!!!!

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  3. Been thinking of you and your family, Levi of course, you are doing the best you can, that's all you can do. You are a wonderful Mom!

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    1. Thank you Nancy. Sometimes I get frustrated with 'the best' that I can...... I've asked that of The SM before. What if my best isn't good enough. And that is where I have to fall on my faith that the Savior fills in those places. Thank heavens for that!! :D

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  4. rachel. thank you for sharing everything. it is like air. i NEED to know that you struggle to have faith - so i can struggle too.

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    1. Oh Misty. I struggle just like everyone else does. Each and every day. I miss you!!!!!!

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  5. But I have been praying, praying about you every night. Every single night. And I always will.

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    1. And that gives me great peace of mind...... I pray for you too. :)

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  6. We learn line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, and there a little. I think there are experiences in life that remind us (far too often) that we don't have it all together as we think--keeps us very, very humble. So glad Levi is doing better, and hope YOU will continue to feel better day by day as well!

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    1. So true Korrie. So true. And the knowledge that that is okay! It is okay to not have it all together.

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  7. Is Levi 100% now? Has your brow smoothed? I pray so.

    It's funny, I know that loss triggers past losses, but it seems that fear is also capable of triggering past fears.

    Building blocks.

    Hugs...

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    1. That is exactly how it happens. It all comes flooding back so not only are you dealing with the moments fears and losses but past ones as well. Argh! As if the present isn't hard enough!!!! The grieving process. I'm tired of going through it!

      As I speak to the choir...........

      Levi is doing great. He is 100% his fantastic self. Praying your brow will smooth soon...........

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    2. Ahh, Levi at 100% - that is music to my ears.

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