Okay, so last week I posted a distorted photo of myself and we laughed and joked about it but here's the deal. As Kristen said in her comment, this is a real thing and it isn't a joke and ummmm yeah. There's only one difference between how I really see myself and that photo. If I were to post what I really think I look like, the photo would be the same minus the bust. The bust would be flatish.
I posted the photo because this is something I fight everyday. I hate seeing myself in the mirror or in photos because that is what I see. Logically I tell myself that it is distorted but I can't make myself believe it!
My bathroom scale broke. I haven't bought a new one. I've always had a bathroom scale and have stepped on it religiously every morning and several times through out the day keeping an eye on my weight. Me not running out and buying a new scale and going without for several months makes it sound like I am taking a healthy step when in fact I've not bought one because I am terrified to step on the scale because I know that since my scale broke I'm sure I've gained ten pounds or more.
One can argue that that is not true but that is where my distorted thoughts are and I don't want to see it confirmed. The fact that my pants that I had bought which were fat pants are now tight tells me. I don't need a scale to confirm that which I can see and know.
Real fears. If I become obese will people still like me and want to be my friend? Shallow. I know. But real.
I've been working on my distorted image and thoughts about myself. Believe it or not......... It's a process though and like all processes, some days I'm better at it than others. I need to be healthy not just physically, but mentally also. As in how I view myself. And so it goes.........