It wouldn't be an accomplishment if I didn't have to really work at it right? It wouldn't be an accomplishment if I didn't experience ups and downs in my training. Gee! Sounds like another life's lesson....... No growth without discomfort......
I'm discouraged. My marathon is a tidge over a month away. So many times I've wanted to quit. So many times I've wanted to just say, "It's just a stupid race! Who cares?! People run marathons all of the time! What's the big deal?! It's just a stupid race. There are bigger more important things you could focus on instead of spending all this time training!" I've wanted to quit so many times.
I've been injured several times. Discouraging. I want to quit. I've kept training. I asked a friend to help me with my training. Someone to be accountable to and to help me with cross training on my 'rest' days. P.S. There's no rest days. It just means you're not running that day. Instead, you are lifting weights and doing push-ups and looking the fool because you can't do one pull-up.
I'm injured again. I thought I had shin splints but it doesn't feel like shin splints. Need to go and get an x-ray to see if I've done something like a hairline fracture. Discouraged. 26.2 miles seems so far. I'm so close in my training. I want to quit. I want to cry. I don't want to fail.
I didn't do anything growing up that I felt was note worthy. I wasn't in anything that required parents to come and watch. I did horribly in school. I've no education higher than high school. My whole purpose in life and pride and joy is my family. My husband and my children which it should be!!!!
What I'm trying to say is, this is a stupid race. It's not a big deal. Hardly anyone will know if I did or didn't do it. Shoot! My brother runs marathons all of the time! No one goes and cheers him on....... we should!! It's a dumb race, but it is my race, and it IS a big deal to me. I've worked so hard to get where I am and now I'm injured and in a holding pattern until we find out what is wrong.
It's about pride. It's about self esteem. I know I've done amazing things with my family. I know there is no higher/better accomplishment than the success of my family. Is it bad to want to run this race, to prove...... what?? That I'm still fighting?? That West Nile isn't going to beat me?? Why the heck is this so important to me?? Ever day I battle the urge to throw up my hands and quit. Training for this has been so hard! Why am I running this marathon??
There's been highs and there have been lows. I need to hold onto the highs and remember that while I'm in this low that it will get better and even if I have to walk the whole 26.2 miles I will do it for one reason and one reason only. To finish. To finish what I started. Even if I walk across a finish line that is no longer there because everyone went home hours and hours before. Even if I don't get a medal that says, "Finisher" on it because the people handing out medals are gone. Even though I want to quit. I'm near tears. Even if no one sees me finish. I WILL FINISH!