Brag Post.

I have been sharing emails with you from my son Mr. T (second eldest son) who is serving a mission for our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and bragging about how proud I am of my son.

Mr. B, is my eldest son and it is his turn for me to brag about him.   Mr. B is fighting a battle.  A battle for his life.  Literally.  He has started a blog and is writing about this fight.  I've not talked about Mr. B and the struggles he's had over the years because of privacy but since he has chosen to write about what he is going through and has gone through, I can now stand here in as a proud parent and tell you how much I love this boy who has struggled for so long with an addiction to pornography.  Yes, my son has a sexual addiction.  Yes, my son has struggled with depression.  Yes, my son has struggled with thoughts and attempts of suicide.  This has been a long battle that started when he was about 8 or 9.  He is now 21 in December and still fighting.

Mr. B has started his blog knowing that he will be judged.  He will be shunned by those who pretended to be his friend.  He might even be harassed/bullied.  He knows this.  But, despite knowing this, he is picking himself up, standing up, looking the world in the face, and saying, "I have an addiction.  I've let it beat me for years.  It stops now".

There have been many battles in this war Mr. B is fighting.  It is wearying.  It is exhausting.  As his mother, I have watched him, cried with him, held him, worried over him, lost sleep over him, prayed over him, and never stopped loving him.  I am proud of my son.  Yes, my son has an addiction.  It's a difficult addiction, but this addiction does not define my son.

My son, Mr. B is kind, sensitive, caring, hard working, and an example to all of being a fighter and not giving up.

Have I mentioned how proud I am of my son?!  I am.  I am SO proud of Mr. B!  He brings me and The SM and our family such joy.

His blog if you'd like to read/follow and encourage him in his fight:  http://myfinalstand.blogspot.com/

Just a warning.  It is honest and brutal.  Mr. B doesn't hold back.  It may come across offensive to some.  And that's okay.

This Week's Letter From the Philippines

So....I was planning on catching you...but the world had other plans!  We had a service project for one of our investigators which lasted till about 12 here.  We are repairing his porch which was destroyed a good month ago.  Twas pretty fun!  Working with bamboo was a new experience  for sure!  I am so thankful now for the nails in america.  You think those bend easily?  Try it here haha!

So Halloween looked pretty fun!  I hope everyone had fun!  Ours was just another work day.  So I am not ever going to promise that I will be there but I really hope next week I will.  (Mommy note: On the Internet to chat with me which not gonna lie, is the highlight of my week!)  So by next week I will have a new companion and I may very well be training him.  It will be a very interesting week!  Ill find outThursday.  So here is the weekly fun and I love you and everyone and I hope to catch you next week!  Love ya!!

So big hurray!  I am done with training!  Its been a good 12 weeks and now its time to move on.  My trainer will be leaving this coming Thursday which means that I will be getting a new companion.  And from what I have heard I have a very big chance of training..I am super excited actually!  I have a long way to go and I really hope that this will increase my language a ton in the next two transfers. But then again, we will not know until Thursday!  

Well, to start of the week last Monday was a very fun!  It was a mutli zone 'olympics'  Every district represented a country and we all competed in certain events.  It was way fun!  We had ping-pong, basketball, races and so forth.  At the end we had an award ceremony for everyone.  After that we got ready for the week such as food.  Tuesday was also very fun!  We had our regular district meeting and right after we were all invited to a wedding that was about to start.  And of course weddings mean food so how could we decline?  I must say, the food was very good!    Oh, and of course it was nice seeing two people getting married.  Jokes lang!!  It was very interesting wedding and everyone was happy and laughing.  I have had the excellent opportunity to be friends with a lot of the people at the wedding.  Im very glad we had the opportunity to be there.

Wednesday and Thursday was a blur!  I hardly remember what happened.  We have been really focusing on a few of our investigators that are getting ready for baptism this coming month.  Brother -------- and Sister ------- WILL be baptized on Nov. 15.  They were very clear on the will.  Then Brother --------- will follow on the 29th.  We are hoping for a lot more for December so we can have a 'white Christmas'  We have 5 investigators that we are aiming to be baptized on the 25th.  I am aiming to double or even triple that number within the next 3 weeks.  Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!

Friday was Halloween!  But since we dont have Halloween here I got some candy.  We had some good success with a few of our investigators but a lot of them are hitting the trials point and are dropping.  Its always the saddest part of serving a mission when a investigator either one, calls and says they are done, or 2, just stops progressing.  We have a lot more finding and searching to do now.  We are hoping that the ward will produce more referrals for us.  Thats always the best!  They usually already have a head start and do very well in the church.  

Saturday was the real holiday.  Its called 'All Saints/Souls Day'  Everyone goes to the cemetery to remember their ancestors or close friends who have passed away.  Then they go home and make deep Filipino food called 'suman'  Basically sticky rice with sugar.  Its pretty good stuff actually!  Aroz ala valenciana is another one that was very good!  I cant really describe it though.  Its mostly just meat and rice.  I need to figure out how to make it because it is really good!  Then at night they put candles out as an invitation for their ancestors to come in and they have a plate of food left out for them as well.  The ants eat very well on this day I must say.  :)  Since everyone was gone we had very little success this day.  

Sunday was very good as well!  We had an awesome broadcast by Elder Dallin H. Oaks for the Philippines.  It was very strong and full of love!  I love how clear he is when speaking.  He spoke mostly on the culture of the Philippines and how we can make it more in harmony of the gospel culture of Jesus Christ.  Twas very well done.  

And that ends the week!  I am so thankful again for this opportunity to serve the people here in the Philippines!  It is so much fun and I learn so much from these people.  I love being a missionary!  

Elder Rubow 

Philippines. No Photos. Don't Need Em. Good Stuff!

October 27, 2014

(Mommy note:  I love how each week his English gets worse and worse.  Means he's learning the languages quickly over there in the Philippines!) 

So....sorry but I dont have any pictures for you this week. My batch mate is using it right now so...next week lang. :) Sorry for missing you! We had a awesome Zone Activity before transfers. It was the Missionary Olympics. (My district won.) It was way fun! But we didnt get done till about 2pm here which is way past midnight over there. So...yeah! I hope everything is going alright. I have indeed been getting some mail though! I don't know how much I actually get though and if some is just missing or you forgot so I hope you are saving them all. Ill send you my weekly email so you can know what up though. Its been very interesting week. I finally got your spill on Elder Bednars talk or book or thing. It was very good! I am going to look into it some more. So next time we talk it will be November....then December....then Christmas....I am looking forward to being able to talk to you all! My english is downright terrible though so dont be laughing at me. Ummm....Not too much is new this week. I love you so much as well! All of yall! For you information. I have no idea when I can get on the cpus. I try to get here but we have had a bunch of activities lately. I don't think we have one next week so we should be able to chat next week unless an emergency happens. I doubt something will though. Anyway, floods are fun! Playing frogger with real frogs is fun! And its all fun. Im hoping to pick up fishing here too! We shall see how that goes though. We can though! Its not bawal! Love ya!!

This week was a very strange but pretty fun week! I am finishing up my training now which is amazing! It seems just like yesterday since we got here on the island and now we are leading our areas. The week started off with a District activity in Lapaz B. We all got together around the ocean and played games, made amazing food, and just enjoyed eachothers company. It was way fun! Then Elder -------- got sick. He was incredibly sick for three days so we did not teach a single lesson for those three days. But very interesting, we got one of our recent investigators back! He had a baptismal date of the 25th of October but did not pass the interview due to a small problem with the Word of Wisdom. He was rather upset and decided that he no longer wanted to see us. This is not the first time it has happened to us. But! He is the first to return. He actually found out where we lived from a member and brought us a little bit of food because he had also heard Elder ------- was sick. (He is fine now) He completely apologized for saying what he did and wanted to come back. So of course we were really happy and we are teaching him again now. Super awesome!

Thursday my companion got better and we went back to work! It is always nice to be outside and working! Firday my companion went down a bit again but it was only a small problem. Then the fun started. The last few days my companion and I have split. Elder ------------ with one member and I with another. I was with two people, Brother Mark, a recent convert to the church, and Brother Jarod, a 14 year old teacher in the Ward. We had a ton of fun! I learned a lot of new words and grammar from them. We taught a less active family named the ---------- family. They used to be very strong members but have recently all together stopped. We taught them about the Temple, (a personal favorite lesson) And the power ofthe sealing power. But we need to be worthy to go to the temple. They have not been sealed together as a family yet. We committed them to go to church on Sunday and they said that they would....they didnt. But I feel like that lesson was a big step toward them coming back. I am very excited to see if we can help them gain back their testimonies. Lastly was kahapon, Sunday. We got up and immediately went to work. We again had splits so we could cover more ground. It was that night we had the biggest spiritual experience. It was at the -------- family. Brother ------------ wife passed away not too long ago. We went to the funeral and all. We went over and visited him for the benifit of his son. His son is a RM (returned missionary) but has gone inactive. His name is -------. We all sat together and started with the basic conversation and I was trying to think what lesson we were going to teach Brother Louie. I had planned to teach the restoration and about the Book of Mormon but it just did not seem right. I then had the impression to teach the Plan of Salvation. I laid out the little pictures to show the what the plan is and then we had a brown out. Basically that means no power for a while. So Brother ----------- got a bunch of candles and in the candle light we discussed the Plan of Salvation. The Spirit was there. I loved it. We talked about where we all came from, what is our purpose here in life, and the best part, where we can go after this life! We shared our testimonies, Brother ------- and I and we were about to leave when Brother ------------- said to wait a minute. He then with tears in his eyes thanked us. Since his wife had passed away has been very lonely and had forgotten exactly where we all go after this life. He then told us that he is now at peace knowing that his wife is no longer in pain and is waiting for him. He then told us that he would like a weekly visit from us and to continue teaching him about Gods Plan.

And how glorious is that plan! It is so perfect. And so full of love. We have no need to fear what happens after this life! As long as we follow the Savior of us all can return to Him and partake of a fullness of joy! I am so thankful for the Saviors atoning sacrifice for all of us. Without it we could not progress. It is what redeems us from the Fall of mankind. I am forever indebted to Him for that.

Well, I just want to thank you for all you have done for me and those around you. We all have a purpose in life. Stand tall, Stay firm. And hold on to that rod of iron. Kabalo ako nga kabuhi si Jesu Kristo, nga polanga ka sang Dios. Kag kun kita magsunod ni Jesu Kristo, magbaton kita walay katapuson.

Elder Rubow

Confession

I had a realization this week.  A dumb one.  A lame one.  Which makes it being a big deal to me just plain stupid.  No, seriously!  It's stupid, only...... I have to convince myself of that.  That I am making a bigger deal than this 'thing' really is.

So, here's the deal Sparky!  It's Zoe.  The service dog.  I'm used to Levi having special needs.  I love him.  Everything about him.  I don't mind that he has a dog.  In fact, I love that it results in people coming up and talking to him because of his dog.  "His" dog....

Only..... Zoe isn't just Levi's dog.  She's mine too.  I hate admitting that.  I feel vulnerable.  When I am out and about by myself with Zoe, people ask me all of the time who I am training her for, what she is being trained for, etc.  And I get all red in the face.  I have no problem saying she is for my son who has autism.  It is way easier to say he has autism than to go into the whole spiel about what he really has and that autism is a side affect.  Autism is something people recognize.  No biggie!

"Oh how sweet"!  Yeah.  Isn't it?!  It's the other part.  Admitting that she is also a service dog for me.  For my seizures.  Why is that so hard to admit to people?  Because they all of a sudden look at me different.  Wow.  That hurts.  It shouldn't.  But it does.  And, it hurts that I even have to go there, ya know?  That I even have seizures now.  I don't want pity.  I don't like standing out and having people approach me all of the time now.  People stare.  I'm no longer just another face in the crowd. Everything takes a lot longer.  Can't just go to the grocery store and run in and out because everyone wants to talk to me about the dog and then, me all red faced saying she's for my son and not wanting to admit she's also for me so I leave that part out...........

I'm an outgoing person.  On my terms.  Having Zoe with me all of the time now, nothing is on my terms anymore.  I'm either stared at, talked about (children mostly squealing and bringing the dog in public to their parents attention-I don't mind them), or approached and asked questions.  My favorite are the people who think because I have a dog, I must be slow and hard of hearing.  Those I get a good chuckle at.

Vulnerable.  That is how this all makes me feel.  I don't like feeling vulnerable.  And yet, the whole purpose of Zoe for Levi is to draw people to him.  Well, one of the purposes.  Like I said, with him, I'm totally cool with it.  It's me that I'm not cool with.  Who knew I was so insecure?!

Which is stupid!!  And there is my confession!

My Mumbling Bumbling Thoughts

With Levi being so sick, The SM and I have been taking turns sleeping with him.  Last night, it was my turn.  Levi has been down on the couch.  I had The SM help me get out the blow up mattress and set me up a nice little bed next to him.  As I tried to get some sleep, I listened to Levi's breathing.  His breathing since being sick has been very labored, loud, and fast.  As I dozed off and on, his breathing was always in the background.  And then, it wasn't.  I jerked awake realizing that I couldn't hear him breathing anymore.  I jumped off the mattress and felt his chest.  Nothing.  I felt his tummy to see if it was going up and down with his breaths.  Nothing.  I think I said aloud, but I'm not sure, I know I thought it, "Dear God in Heaven please, no"! and I shook Levi.

Levi made a noise.  A complaint maybe, rolled over, and went back to sleep.  The reassuring sleep I'd been listening to earlier.  The rapid loud breaths.  And I breathed a prayer of thanks.  I don't know if Levi had stopped breathing and I was warned by a Heavenly Being and jerked awake to shake him to get him started again, goodness knows there have been many times in the past where that has happened, or if he was just breathing shallow.  Either way, a prayer of thanks that Levi is with us yet another day.

When Levi was little, I felt like I couldn't let him out of my sight for a second.  I was so worried about losing him.  It took me a long time to finally come to the place where I could place him in God's hands and realize that no matter how good of a mother I could be, when it was time for Levi to go back home, there was nothing I could do about it.

That was huge for me.  It gave me permission to be able to put Levi in his crib, turn out the light, shut the door, and go and sleep in my bed.  Each night, I would (and still do) pray asking that he be watched over.  I also talk to my grandma that has passed to watch over my boy.

For so long I lived with the fear that I would lose Levi and yet, for so many years and continuing today, Levi has had many opportunities to be called home and he hasn't!  That was another realization that I had to come to.  As much time as I was spending worried about Levi leaving me, the Lord has shown me time and time again that it isn't his time!  Levi still has much to do here on earth and there have been countless times when I have been made aware of situations (like last night) when I would notice he'd stopped breathing and bounced him back, or the time he fell out of the second story window and landed in the only place under the window that didn't have the wood pile.  All around there was the wood pile and other things that would have ended his life had he fallen onto them but the one place that was grass..........  the list goes on and on!

So, this evening, as I thought about what happened last night and it hit me, the 'what could have happened', I allowed myself to have an emotional moment, took a deep breath, tearfully sent up another prayer of thanks, shook myself, and moved on..........  I think.........  the amount of emotional eating I've been doing this evening might say otherwise.  No judging.  We all have our coping mechanisms.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with this post.  Just working through some thoughts I've had this evening.  Thoughts that have resurfaced.  What ever my bumbling mumbling thoughts may be, there is one thing I know for sure and that is that we have a loving Father in Heaven who knows each one of us.  He loves us.  He knows us by name.  He knows this is hard, being a parent, for He is a parent, and no matter what happens....... all will be well.

The Parable of the Pot of Chili

Next to my bed is a little notebook.  I call it my, Blessings Notebook.  Each night, before I go to bed, I write in said notebook.  I think about the day and the miracles and blessings that have transpired and write them down.  So many times, when I pick up my notebook and pen, I think there really hasn't been anything that day, but as I think and ponder, thoughts come to my mind, and I find there are usually several!  Well, besides the usual blessings and miracles that miraculously happen each and everyday that I merrily take for granted!!

Last night, as I thought about the blessings for the day, I thought about the pot of chili.  It reminded me of the book, "Stone Soup".  You remember the story?  If not, you need to go back and read it.  Or, you can 'read' it here where The Natives acted it out.

Anyway, on Saturday, our neighborhood had a chili cook off.  We've had it every year for as long as I can remember.  It takes place over at our church and all are invited to come, have some chili and other goodies, and sit and talk.  The SM had signed up to make a pot of chili and I signed up to make some cornbread.  The day was a busy day which involved some scouting stuff and Levi getting sick.  Really sick.  Scary sick.  The SM made his pot of chili.  I didn't get around to the cornbread.  Not feeling guilty.  It's life.  I stayed home with Levi and cared for him while The SM took The Natives over to the church for dinner.  The SM was busy with helping set things up and helping little neighborhood children make balloon animals so his pot of chili didn't get set out right away.  In fact, his whole pot of chili didn't get set out until everyone had had their fill of chili.  He brought his pot of uneaten chili home with him later that evening.

Not a problem!  We've a big family!  It will get eaten quite soon.  Sunday came along and Levi was still sick.  Yay for us!  We've a whole pot of chili that is untouched!  I don't have to worry about fixing dinner.  I did hurry and whip up some cornbread to go with but that was mere minutes to do.  No biggie.  I get a text from a dear neighbor friend asking about Levi.  She is praying for him and wishes she could do more but is home with a migraine herself.  She suffers from migraines.  Nasty business.  I can handle most things but migraines........ they put me under!

Guess what?!  Stone Soup!!  I have a huge pot of chili and some cornbread!  We send some chili and cornbread down to her family.  There's enough for both of our families because The SM's pot of chili just 'happened' to not get put out until too late at the chili cook off.  Coincidence?  I think not.  On Saturday I thought, "What a shame people didn't get to enjoy The SM's chili".  On Sunday, I was thinking, "What a blessing that The SM's chili was untouched and we've some to give to a family in need"!  See how this works?

And then, I get a message from another dear neighbor worried about Levi.  How is he doing and she'll be bringing us dinner on Monday night.  Do we have any food allergies....

Stone Soup.  (Or a pot of chili) It's a blessing.  It keeps growing.

This Week's Letter From The Philippines!

Elder Rubow with his "brothers".  These young men have become family to him. 

A ship that is being unloaded.

Elder Rubow at the ocean.  He looks so good!!!

Baptism!  Elder Rubow is standing in the back,  far left.

So here is the weekly letter for you

So sorry!  I only have a short email this week.  Super busy here and I am out of time.  We invited 5 more people to be baptized within the next month and they accepted!  Things have slowed down a bit here but will be picking up again for sure!  We also had a baptism of -------------.  She is the first of her family but no doubt many will soon follow.  They are all very excited! We also had another funeral this last week.  Half the family was catholic and the other Mormon.  So the funural was split into two days.  The first day was a Mass.  I have never been to one of those before.  It was very interesting I must say.  The next day was the LDS funeral and burial.  The difference between the two was I must say very interesting.  

Well, sorry again to make it so short.  I am so thankful for the Plan of Salvation and how we can know where we are going after this life.  Now is the time to prepare to meet God.  May we do so now!  Do not procrastinate!  It is not worth it at all.  Go to the temple often if you can and for those who are preparing, continue!  The temple is such a wonderful blessing to us and helps us so much both in this life and the life to come.  Thanks again! 

Elder Rubow

I spent my whole time writing you.  I hope your happy! :D (We spent most of his email time chatting back and forth and yup!  It made me happy!!)

Also, please give my love to the Stones.(Elder Rubow's adopted grandparents and good friends of ours.)  I miss them so much!  Thanks!