Insane!

Ever since my surgery I have been SO frustrated! The scale keeps going up and up and up and the poundage is increasing such that let me tell you! I have so much junk in my trunk I'm like a Lincoln Town Car with a spare tire in the boot!

I can't handle it I tell ya! So, I decided to go to the extreme because y'all know me. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it good.

I went and spent good hard lotsa are you out of your mind paying that kinda cash for this set of DVD's. True story!

I watched all of the promo videos and it warned me. Don't think I'm going into this blind. It said I wuz gonna have to dig down deep if I was gonna succeed. Well honey! I've been diggin' down deep for years! What in the heck do you think I've been doing day after day while I'm sitting on the couch! Yes! Diggin' down deep in them thar couch cushions seein' what loose change and goodies I could find! I can dig!

And! You're gonna love this. Not only did I decide to do this, but I decided that The SM is gonna do it with me cuz we all know it is easier to stick with something if you have a buddy. He's not thinking he wants to be my buddy right now but when our 60 days is over he'll thank me. At least that is what I keep telling him.

So, yesterday was our first workout. I tell The SM to get in his work out clothes and I go and do what I do best. I dig down and deep (See? I'm a pro!) in my closet trying to find my work out clothes. I know they're in there! I just gotta keep diggin' down and deeper and deeper past all the really cool shoes I've been buying so people will notice my cute shoes and not my hubba bubba jiggly parts.

Task accomplished I come downstairs and turn on the DVD. It's time! It's time to see what we're made of! We are machines! We are lean mean gonna have the body of a sixteen year old machines!

We start. It's P and D day. Puke and die day. We're not five minutes into it. I'm laying on the floor on my back gasping for air. The punk teenage Native's are standing around laughing. I don't care. I can't see them. I'm stuck on the floor like a fish that has been tossed out of it's water. Not. Enough. OXYGEN! Legs? Do I have any? I can't feel them. Rubber spastic shaking convulsing appendages have replaced what used to be my legs.

And that. My friends. Was just. The warm-up! What ever happened to standing with your legs hip distance apart and flapping your arms around for a few minutes while you breathe as a warm-up?

Oh I'm insane allright! But guess what? When my sixty days are all over! You are all going to be so jealous because I am guaranteed!! After sixty days, I'll have my perfect beach body!