Hats

I like hats. Women invented hats. Seriously! They did! I know they did because they cover a multitude of sins and men don't try to cover. They are always trying to uncover. That's why I know.......

My favorite is a baseball hat. With my long hair I can shove on a hat, snatch up the tangled mess, and whip it into a bun. Throw on some sunglasses and lipstick and walk out that door convincing myself and the world I am ready for anything.

Why did women invent hats? I'll tell you why. Because they were sick of hearing their wig wearing complaining husbands whine about them dag blam wigs falling off all of the time. If it were raining or the man was sweating good enough it wasn't a problem. The moisture would run and mix with the powder and make a mighty fine glue that would paste that sucker right on their ol' heads but if the wind were blowin'......well, now that was a problem. They didn't like having their powdery fluff blowing away making the paste too thin. Thus, we see the invention of the hat.

Men are funny creatures. The SM says he likes me in a cowboy hat. I like cowboy hats. I do and if I were living where I growed up well then......I might wear one more often but ya see, I aint livin' where I growed up. I LIVE IN THE CITY. Well...........I call it the city. When you grow up in the boonies where I growed up and then live here next to neighbors that tell ya what to fix for dinner over the fence.........IT IS THE CITY. I promise. It is true. One day I was outside and one of The Natives asked me what was for dinner! I told em' hot dogs ala ketchup. Next thing I know over the fence my neighbor is getting after me for such a lousy dinner. Course....livin' so close to someone so foolish as to mess with my dinner fixin's does mean he is also close enough should the urge hit me to flick a booger at him when he goes walkin' by on his side of the fence.....

I like The SM in a hat too. Oh I think it is downright sexy. Yehaaw! But, he doesn't like to wear a hat (see, it is that uncoverin' thing again). He has an inner temperature of about 500 degrees and putting on a hat just closes the oven door and he's glad he doesn't have to wear a wig full of powder. Not to mention that he has GREAT HAIR which is SO not fair. I tease him and call him grandpa and tell him to watch it cuz someday I'm gonna be changin' his diapers. Truth is with all of the youngin's I've hatched and the grey hair that paints my hair a lovely shade of shimmer I think I already need diapers.

The only thing men invented is something to hang around their hips. It started with the fig leaves..........then it went to hanging rock tools from their hips........then to holsters and guns..........and now it is cell phones. Have you ever noticed that? A man thinks he is naked if he doesn't have something hangin' from his hips. Me now truthfully, I have enough hangin' from my hips thank you very much. The youngin's that put them hips thar be hangin' from em and if they aren't then last nights indulgences are.............I wish they'd make hats for hips, thighs, and butts............