The other day I went shopping. Got myself all dolled up and hit the road with my credit card flashing. As I entered the store where I was set on spending some big change I was approached by a very classy gal. She told me her name was Stacy and asked if I had a minute and could she please interview me.
Me: What is the interview for?
Stacy: I am doing research on career women.
Me: (Hee, this is gonna be good....if only she knew......)Oh, what kind of research?
Stacy: I have a theory that with a few simple questions I can tell what career you are in.
Me: Really? Wow! Sure, I have a minute. Ask away. (Bet I can snow her....I obviously already have....dang, I'm good.)
Stacy: What time do you usually get up in the morning?
Stacy: That is pretty early.
Me: Yes, it is.
Stacy: What kind of hair products do you use?
Me: (Oh I am so onto you sister, you're trying to figure out just how much money I make.) I use top of the line Wal-Mart. (giggling to myself)
Stacy: Did you do your hair yourself today or did you have it professionally done?
Me: I did it myself with my top of the line Wal-Mart products. Why?
Stacy: I was just wondering about the braid you have in the back of your hair.
Me: (oh crap) Ummm, ya, I forgot. I did have it done professionally. I just taught my daughter how to braid hair and she practiced on me earlier today.
Stacy: Laughing. That's great!
Me: Well, you know, we career woman have to keep up on the latest trends! It is SO competitive out there.
Stacy: True true. Okay, next set of questions. Where do you normally shop for your clothes?
Me: I believe in being frugal so I try to shop the clearance at this department store in town called "Deseret Industries". Ever heard of it?
Stacy: I think I've heard of it. Is it in the mall?
Me: No, it is a mall in and of itself.
Stacy: The shirt you are wearing. Did you buy it at this "Deseret Industries"?
Me: No actually. It was given to me as a gift.
Stacy: Don't you just love getting clothes for gifts?
Me: Oh ya! Love clothes and shoes.
Stacy: Your shirt has an interesting pattern on it. I've not seen anything like it.
Me: That is because it was custom made. See, this mark here. Some might think that is a stain but it isn't. It was put there on purpose from our black berry bushes. And this pretty orangy red color here is from homemade spaghetti sauce. It's a very organic shirt.
Stacy: Oh that is soooo cool! I am for organic. I buy organic products too. So that other mark on your shirt? Is that organic too?
Me: What mark?
Stacy: The one right there.
Me: (oh crap, she must mean the grease stain below my chest. When did THAT happen?) Very much so! That is with an organic canola oil. Very expensive.
Stacy: Riiight. Moving on. Your purse is darling!
Me: Thanks! I thought so too!
Stacy: Very trendy!
Me: Well, you know. Big purses are in!
Stacy: Yes, they are. What do you keep in your purse?
Me: Oh, you know. The same things every career woman keeps in her purse!
Stacy: Hand held mirror, make up, hair products?
Stacy: Credit Cards, spare cash, cell phone?
Me: Sort of..on some of those.
Stacy: Business cards?
Me: Of a sort (does chewed up gum stuck in gum wrappers count, or moldy half eaten forgotten sandwiches?)
Stacy: So what DO you have in your purse?
Me: Well, you know. My wallet, some diapers, some wipes, some hand sanitizer, gum, some toys........I believe in being prepared for ANYTHING. You never know when you are out and about and some poor mom will need these items. I do live in the baby capital of the world you know! A career woman always needs to be on her toes and prepared for anything!
Stacy: Riiiiight. Okay, well that just about wraps up our interview. Thank you SO much for taking the time. I know how busy career ladies are so I'll let you get back to your shopping. Oh, by the way. You are missing an earring. It probably fell out on your way in.
Me: THANKS! I'd not noticed......darn....and these were my favorite too. (crap, I forgot I let my boys use my earring for a fishing lure......dang......forgot to get it back before I headed out the door.)
Stacy: That ALWAYS happens to me too!
Me: (Yaaaa, I bet....) So, what is your verdict? What is my career?
Stacy: I am going to bet........that you are a stay at home mom! Am I correct?
Me: Dang......you're good! (I wonder what tipped her off......)
Kidding......I'm kidding....I didn't get interviewed but do you ever feel like this some days? The other day I went shopping, had to use the girls room and as I was exiting I noticed that I'd forgotten to yank out the braid in the back of my rats nest of hair. My baby girl had been practicing on me and I'd forgotten all about it. This same dang bathroom had a full length mirror and I really did think before I left that I didn't look THAT bad....upon closer inspection I had stains on my shirt from who knows what....my jeans didn't look as great as I'd thought in fact they looked down right terrible.......and the dumpy frump that looked back at me in that mirror.....all I can say is full length mirrors should be banned from this dang earth!