Making memories one day at a time.......and then I write about it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The honeymoon

Define honeymoon. If you go to it says:

1. a vacation or trip taken by a newly married couple.
2. the month or so following a marriage.
3. any period of blissful harmony

I used to think there was only one kind of honeymoon. Definitions 1 and 2. I never knew number 3 exsisted until Levi.

The first time I heard number 3 used was when we asked Levi's neurologist why when it seemed the medication he was on was working........why did it all of a sudden stop?

"This is what we call the honeymoon period. Medication is given, seems to be working, and then a month or so later stops working."

Okay, I can deal with that. New medication given......a trial period to see if it will really work.....No problem. Honeymoon number 3 doesn't seem too bad. It's a honeymoon right? Honeymoon is supposed to be beautiful. Enjoy it.

New definition of honeymoon number 3. "Your son is in a honeymoon period or stage in his life. Enjoy it while it lasts. In about 2-3 years all hell is going to break loose again and epilepsy will most likely start."

Seizures......I hate them. Levi has them now but they are at night while he is asleep. Sleep is good. It is kind of like denial.

How does one cope knowing that as each day passes we get closer and closer to a terrible monster that will inevitably one day take our son from us?

I can't answer for anyone but myself. For me, I hang out of upstairs windows gazing at a sun peaking over the mountains when in fact I should be scrambling getting my kids ready for school, I gaze in wonder at a beautiful flower that has withstood storms for several days and I bask in the love of our Heavenly Father. I let that warmth embrace and cover me.

Marriage today is so fragile. It means nothing to a lot of people. They enter marriage and over a short period of time, fall out of love, and the marriage ends. Where is the commitment? When we said our "I do's" do people have one foot out the door already looking for their first break? Do they enter marriage with their defences in place?

I do this sometimes with Levi. I know the end is inevitably coming so I hold back. Why hurt more than need be right? Wrong. It has been said many times that the tears shed at a funeral are feelings of sadness over things that weren't said, things left undone, etc.

I have to keep reminding myself that Levi isn't going to leave me. He'll always be with us. If not in body, in spirit.

I'm doing better (I hope) at letting the little things go. Enjoying the moment. Realizing that the most important things of this life are our relationships and time spent with each other. Material things.....they are just that....

So, let's rethink definition number 3. This life we live here on earth. It is the "engagement".....and when we leave this life and are reunited with our loved ones.......THAT will be the honeymoon!

I will be on my honeymoon for eternity.


  1. WOW...that was a very moving thought. I know how I have felt when I KNEW someone was dying, I tend to hold back just like you said, "why make it more painful?" But really we should be experiencing life to the fullest and making memories to last the rest of our mortal lifetime and on to the eternities when we are reunited again with our loved ones.

    I know this has to be a hard thing to witness but know that our Heavenly Father is mindful of you and your family...and go ahead and hang out of windows (SAFELY of course) and relish in the joys around us. YOU are an amazing woman! I have always admired you and am blessed to know you and call you my friend.

  2. Thank you for sharing your beautiful insight. It's a good reminder to live as if each day is our last. Too often death comes suddenly and without warning, if we all love without restraint then there will be no regrets.

  3. You made me stop and think. I definitely need to live in the moment instead of plan for the future as much. I admire you!

  4. I probably shouldn't have read this very first thing = before the sun has even hit the yard. No, I know - it's the very thing I should be reading so that my approach to the coming hours of light will be with open eyes. But morning can be so fragile, and all of mine lately have begun with a slow build of anxiety - not because things are ugly, but because there is so much, so very much yet to do - beautiful things like preserving family history and training colts and writing Murphy.

    And how will I ever have my lamp even half full at the rate I'm going?

    Beauty breaks my heart. And this morning, just this little glimpse of your heart has broken me.

  5. oh Rachel, you are so amazing to me! I admire your strength and love. Thank you for your beautiful thoughts and insight.


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