The day after an event like yesterday always leaves me feeling like I'm slogging through mud. Can't focus, can't think, can't concentrate. Just putting one foot in front of the other.
I talked to a friend yesterday on the phone and asked her, why? Why after almost eight years of doing this......why do I still react as if it is the first?
Her answer was a BINGO! We know the "big one" is coming. Today? Tomorrow? In fifty years? Each time Levi goes down it could be the big one and each time he goes down and is still with us it is a huge relief that we've escaped once again but we're always waiting......knowing that it is lurking out there on the fringes.
I had a dream about Levi. I was running down a corridor that had doors on both sides. An endless corridor. I could hear Levi crying. All of the doors were locked. They had padlocks on them. I couldn't get to Levi. I couldn't figure out which door he was behind and so I kept running trying locked door after locked door down a corridor that never ended. I never stopped running frantically trying locked doors all the while hearing my Levi crying until the dream ended when I awoke.
In our house and many in the neighborhood for some fabulous reason the fire alarms like to go off in the middle of the night. We've lived here now for going on 14 years and I can't tell you how many times in one year those dang things will fire off and it is ALWAYS in the middle of the night. No matter how many times we've gone through this, each time the alarm goes off it jolts The SM and I out of sleep and bed and after we've checked to make sure it is just the idiot alarms mis-firing (yes, all of these puns are intended) we lay in bed for a good hour or so trying to get our hearts out of our throats and back where they belong beating a normal beat and not Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov's, "Flight of the BumbleBee".
That, is what it is like with Levi. Alarms going off, wondering if the small fires are going to escalate into an out of control burning fire that we can't put out.
Those dang fire alarms! Why do they have to give us such a start?
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about Levi. I wish the best for you all.
ReplyDeleteAs for the fire alarms, I learned a little how they work, and it could be spiders walking between the contact points. Open the alarm and clean it out. Then maybe they won't walk through there for a while. Just a thought.
yeah, I bet that's how it feels. I'm sure it's just like the first time every time, because you just have to live your normal life, and normal life doesn't really include events like these, you know? So I think it's a shock every time probably. That's my guess anyway.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything goes really well for you for the next week (at least) so that you can have a lovely christmas. You are in my prayers :)