Making memories one day at a time.......and then I write about it.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Pounding the Pavement

Pounding the pavement. Therapy. My emotions runneth over.....I pound the pavement.

I sit here in my living room writing...instead of running. I didn't use to be a runner. It wasn't until I had Levi and started running because I felt I needed to be physically strong for him. I've always exercised. Exercised hard but didn't run until exercising wasn't enough. I needed something more aggressive. So, I'd exercise and run and when the emotions became too much I'd run even more. I'd pound the pavement. Anger management. Anger at things I can't control no matter how hard I try.

This past week I have been slowly tanking. I keep telling myself, "just make it past Christmas. If I can only make it past Christmas, then I can pass out on the couch until spring. Just let me get through Christmas". Today the pain has increased enough that plans of going shopping were postponed. In jammies, pillow propping me up, quilts tucked around me, I rested on the couch. Then the phone rang. The school nurse. Levi's had a seizure out on the playground. Come quick.

I have been doing this for almost eight years now and yet, the adrenaline still pumps as if it is the first time all over again. I threw on clothes and my shoes, ran out the door, jumped in Clifford and floored it over to the school. As I rounded the bend I saw parked in front of the school the ambulance and fire truck. I knew they were there for Levi.

Levi had been out on the playground playing when he went down. One of the aids was with him and reacted quickly. Thankfully, the seizure didn't last long and the paramedics were called as a precaution. Levi is doing well. I spent the rest of the day with him at school. He was able to stay and participate for the class Christmas party.

A few weeks ago I tried running again. I made it two weeks before it became obvious that I was doing more harm than good. I miss it terribly and today.....as I sit and write instead of running.....I miss it horribly. I want to pound some pavement!

9 comments:

  1. When I was driving to the school and rounded the corner, I saw the EMS vehicles, my heart sank. Then I saw Clifford and I somehow knew it was Levi. I bowed my head and said a short prayer asking for everything to be okay. I felt helpless, I still do.

    I am glad that he was able to celebrate with his class. He is such a bright spot in so many lives. I am so grateful that he and your family are in mine.

    I often wish a had the motivation to run, I can't imagine wanting to do something so bad and not being able to. I hope you can find another outlet that allows you the anger management that you need.

    Thank You for living your life in a way that I can strive to pattern mine after. And please let me know if I can ever do something for you.

    Merry Christmas!

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  2. Can I borrow one of your sister's shirts--you know the ones? ...I NEED to take up running... I'll run for you, too!
    Love ya! Hang in there. I'm praying for you--HARD.

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  3. How can I comment on something so tender and close to my heart???? My heart is breaking for you. I love you.

    On the other hand, I think taking out stock in a glass company can work wonders . . . .

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  4. I'm glad to hear that he was okay...

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  5. I'm heartsick for you and for Levi. I'm still praying... You know I'm here, ready and willing.

    I hope to run tomorrow and I know it is no consolation to soothe the ache you feel, but I will run for you. I will run for Levi. I will run for all the things in this life that aren't fair. I will pound it real good and tell it "that's for Rachel".
    Love ya girl.

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  6. Danae, Don't feel helpless. Prayer is a powerful thing. Thank you for your prayers, your love, and your friendship. Have a Merry Christmas as well!!

    Tamra, Yes, I know the shirt. :) Thank you for your sweet thought and prayers.

    Virginia, I taught you all about the power of glass! :D Are you suggesting you are going to take out stock in the glass companies knowing that I may resort to that for anger management again? :p

    I love you too! Trying to stitch my heart back up again today...

    Mr. Z, Me too. I never know if this is "the big one".

    Natalie, Thank you. Thank you for your prayers, for being there for me, and for pounding the pavement for Levi and me. Pound it good and hard!

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  7. Jody, Thank you for your prayers and words of wisdom. You are right. I need to be thankful that our lives are in the Lord's hands and for the blessings He is bestowing on us. For His greater knowledge that I need to put more trust and faith in.

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  8. I just had to go get a tissue. That pulled at my heart. I'm glad that Levi is fine.

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  9. oh man, my heart is so with you right now. I'm so sorry that happened. It just makes me cry.
    You'll be running again, I know you will. But being patient is so hard sometimes, isn't it?

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