Pounding the Pavement

Pounding the pavement. Therapy. My emotions runneth over.....I pound the pavement.

I sit here in my living room writing...instead of running. I didn't use to be a runner. It wasn't until I had Levi and started running because I felt I needed to be physically strong for him. I've always exercised. Exercised hard but didn't run until exercising wasn't enough. I needed something more aggressive. So, I'd exercise and run and when the emotions became too much I'd run even more. I'd pound the pavement. Anger management. Anger at things I can't control no matter how hard I try.

This past week I have been slowly tanking. I keep telling myself, "just make it past Christmas. If I can only make it past Christmas, then I can pass out on the couch until spring. Just let me get through Christmas". Today the pain has increased enough that plans of going shopping were postponed. In jammies, pillow propping me up, quilts tucked around me, I rested on the couch. Then the phone rang. The school nurse. Levi's had a seizure out on the playground. Come quick.

I have been doing this for almost eight years now and yet, the adrenaline still pumps as if it is the first time all over again. I threw on clothes and my shoes, ran out the door, jumped in Clifford and floored it over to the school. As I rounded the bend I saw parked in front of the school the ambulance and fire truck. I knew they were there for Levi.

Levi had been out on the playground playing when he went down. One of the aids was with him and reacted quickly. Thankfully, the seizure didn't last long and the paramedics were called as a precaution. Levi is doing well. I spent the rest of the day with him at school. He was able to stay and participate for the class Christmas party.

A few weeks ago I tried running again. I made it two weeks before it became obvious that I was doing more harm than good. I miss it terribly and today.....as I sit and write instead of running.....I miss it horribly. I want to pound some pavement!