Yesterday was one of those days when I should have just stayed on the couch. A, "Honey, you just keep getting more and more stupid the more you open your mouth" kind of days.
Levi is in the local cub scouts. Yeah. Shocking, I know. Another scout........ He had a field trip and since I am one of the assistant den leaders (and I use that term very very loosely... meaning, I don't do a darned thing and forget half the time to show up...) I was able to go on the field trip. We went to the local fire department. Exciting!!!
|Yes, I realize this is the back of an ambulance and not a fire engine but I wanted to show you the paramedic who thinks I'm an idiot okay?|
Fireman: Bears or Wolves?
Me: (Laughing) No kidding! Or hamburgers and french fries!! (Cuz ya know, it looks like those concession stand windows....... )
Fireman: (Looking at me like I'm an idiot) Bears or Wolves? As in Cub Scouts.
Me: (Turning red and laughing again) Oh! I thought you meant Bears as in the Chicago Bears and ya know buddy, they didn't make it to the Super Bowl this year. (Me smacking his arm at my joke. Wink. Wink).
Fireman: (Looking at me like I'm an even bigger idiot and not cracking even the slightest smile.....)
Me: Let's pretend this conversation didn't happen. (I walk away quickly)
Another door is opened and the fireman speaking shows the boys their 'key' for opening any door. This contraption that looks pretty much like an axe and crowbar thingy. He told the boys they can open a door without too much damage with it. (Does she learn?) Of course not! Turning yet again.... to the paramedic who already thinks my IQ is less than his shoe size I said:
Me: You mean it's not like in the movies??
Fireman: Actually, that really hurts your foot.
Me: (Thinking you had to somehow kick that contraption with your foot? Huh?) It does?
Fireman: Yeah. You can break down some doors that way but there are a lot that you can't.
Me: Oh really? I bet not! (Slowly dawning on me that you don't kick the contraption..... he means kicking down a door like in the movies.......duh..... like I'd referred to.. as in the movies........) (I once again walk away wincing.)
So, the tour continues and I ask the fireman who is showing the boys around if they have any photos of a fireman in full gear because in a real fire, it is really scary, and then to have this hulking figure come out of the smoke at a child can be terrifying. The fireman/paramedic that I'd talked to earlier went and got geared up. After photos were taken of the boys and the fireman I went over and talked to him again. (Am I really this stupid????) What can I say. His pack reminded me of my scuba diving BCD!
Me: That looks a lot like a BCD!
Fireman: This isn't a flotation device.
Me: (Well duh!!! Gosh, he thinks I really am that stupid........) I know! But it is so similar. You have a regulator. Do you have two? One to share like on a BCD?
Fireman: Yes, I have one and another back here. (He shows me the one attached to his pack behind him. He pulls it out and shows me. It confuses me because all I see is tubes. Nothing to go over the mouth.)
Me: How does that work? Say you are rescuing me. You have your regulator that you are breathing through. How does that work for the other person?
Fireman: This other regulator attaches to another fireman's mask. To their regulator.
Me: So not me.
Fireman: No. You get nothing.
Me: So if you are helping me out of a fire, you don't put anything on my face.
Fireman: You get nothing.
Me: (Walking away again feeling like an even bigger idiot...........)
Fast forward to me dropping off the other leaders and scouts off at home and Levi and I going to the grocery store. We pull into the parking lot and it is raining. Not only is it raining but it is raining sideways!
I have a brilliant idea! I have an umbrella I keep in the truck. A big red one! Levi asks if he can have the umbrella. I tell him no, that I'll hold it. He gets out of the truck. I open my door and then let go of it to open the umbrella. The umbrella pops open just as the wind blows the truck door shut....... on the open umbrella. I can't see out, I can't reach the door handle. I've a big open umbrella stuck between me and the door and the seat and the steering wheel. I'm stuck in my truck by a big old RED open flipping umbrella!! And Levi is standing out in the rain waiting for me to get out.......
This day just keeps getting better........... Thank goodness I didn't have to call the paramedics to come and help me get out of my truck........ I'm sure Mr. "Hey! It's the idiot lady again" would have really loved that..... I can break my own umbrella to get to the door handle all by myself! Thank you very much!