Mountain Biking

Years ago when my SM and I were dating and I was willing to try anything to impress him, he asked me to go mountain biking. The ride was an all day affair which started up Provo canyon riding behind "Y" mountain and ended coming out at Hobble Creek in Springville canyon.

Since this ride lasted many hours we were supposed to start early in the day but for some reason on this particular day we did a lot of inspecting of each other's faces in close proximity so we got a late start.

As the ride began I quickly came to realize this was not a joy ride. I kept thinking, "If only I can make it to the top of that next rise, then I can coast down the rest of the way" only that next rise was always followed by another rise. Brian would sit patiently waiting at the top of each as I labored my way slowly up. Thighs burning and lungs wheezing.

Finally we made it to the summit and I was never more excited. I thought I could sit back and fly down the mountain making up for lost time as dusk was fast approaching. Flying down the mountain and shale rock are not two ingredients that you mix. Teeth clenched, fingers clenched around the brakes, I went down with a lurching screeeeeeech, screeeeeeech, screeeeeeech my brakes screaming in complaint. Lurching and screeeeeeching your breaks also does not work on loose tiny pieces of shale rock so your bike starts to wobble but correcting it in loose shale rock only results in your bike going one way and you the other.

What I thought was going to be an easy decent turned out to be me walking next to my bike sliding in shale rock wondering when my SBF (sexy boyfriend) who was who knows where miles below me would figure out that I was no where to be had. I reached a bend in the road and there he was sitting patiently, as he had the entire ride waiting for me. He got off his bike and we continued walking like that for the rest of the entire ride which was going to take us even longer now since the "fast part" had now become the excruciatingly slow part.

As darkness descended upon us in a velvety thickness, the moon not yet up to provide illumination, we came to a pasture full of cows and their calves. Black cows.......and their babies. Growing up in the boonies where I did I knew that you do not come between mama cows and their babies. They have something to say about it and they don't start with niceties. Not being able to see a thing except black blobs here and there if they were up close, I got kind of scared. Okay, I got really scared and I did something I'd done while growing up out in the boonies. I started to beller Primary songs. I didn't care that my SBF probably thought I was a wimp and nuts. I'd learned early on about bellerin' Primary songs and knew that it worked and you know what? He bellered right along with me! I bet he was scared too. Ya think? I didn't think so either but it sure made me feel better when he obliged me and joined in.

You see, there were many times growing up that I'd "forget" to do a chore and then late at night when it was all pitch black dark my mother would lovingly remind me that I still needed to get that chore done........even if there were Bogey men behind every stinkin' bush from here to the next county and state even! So, I'd head outside just sure I was going to be snatched up and eaten alive and then wouldn't my mom be sorry she'd made me go out all alone excepting I wasn't ready to be sacrificed just yet so I'd beller Primary songs. You couldn't just hum or whisper them because then you could still hear rustling in the tall grass and bushes but if you bellered! Well then. Boy howdy! All of those Bogey men into the next county and state for that matter could hear ya and since it was Primary songs you were singing......wouldn't dare try to take a bite out of you because that would be sinning right?? And wasn't there some sort of protection, some sort of invisible force shield that was wrapped all around you when you sang Primary songs? Least that was what they taught me in Primary every Sunday. Least that was my interpretation when ever I was out bellerin' to the Bogey man.

"I got up my invisible force field........just like in Star Wars........you can't get me........cuz I'm singin' Primary songs..........". I didn't ever dare taunt the Bogey man though just in case there was some weakness to the force field that I didn't know about and so that night on the mountain walking with my SM I taught him all about bellerin' Primary Songs and you know what? Just like when I was a kid it worked! The Bogey men, cows and their calves went running over the hills to greener pastures and I sighed a big relief when we finally crossed a cattle guard and those mamma's and babies were well behind us.

Incredibly, my SBF asked me to go biking with him again! I bet it was for my voice. It certainly wasn't for my sea shells!