No Soliciting!

I have a sign I made for my front door. It says:

NO SOLICITING! (In really big letters)

In smaller print under it says:

Yes, I realize that your product will wipe out all of the bugs off of the face of the earth, stop world hunger, clean every surface in my home, cars, children, etc. etc. etc. for pennies, make my grass the envy of Martha Stewart, make me salivate because your chocolate is better than the stuff my husband brings home from Germany, your beauty products will make me look like the hottest stars in Hollywood, my carpets will look better than the day I bought them, I'll be able to make all the phone calls I want to Italy for spaghetti home delivery for free plus watch it on my free cable network being delivered, and due to your fabulous preschool program my kids will graduate from college when they are 5, your restaurant will make it so I never have to cook again,your security system will stop all crime, and so on and hence forth but the answer is still NO!

And still.......they come knocking at my door. Yesterday was classic.

DING DONG.........

Me: Hello. (Not hello? or Hello!.....Hello period meaning why are you on my porch looking at my No Soliciting sign and not running for your lives..........)

Solicitor: (Ha ha ha-I'm funny and trying to be charming) I was just reading your sign. Did you write that yourself?

Me: (Not laughing or smiling) Yes

Solicitor: (Showing me his binder with the Dish network printed on the cover) Do you subscribe or have any of these products?

Me: No, we don't have TV

Solicitor: (Ha ha ha I'm Mr. Charming still) Ya, that is what your kids told me when I walked up. (What the #$%^$%^ is he doing talking to my kids?????) I bet it's because you can't get any channels right?

Me: No, it's because I don't want my kids to sit and vedge in front of the TV. I want them outside playing or reading.

Solicitor: Well, if you had channels you liked you'd probably watch more TV

Me: No, I want my kids doing other things than watching TV

Solicitor: (Noticing my BYU shirt) Well, do you like to watch sports like BYU or other entertainment. I bet you'd like that!

Me: No, I'm not interested okay? If we want to see a game we'll go in person.

Solicitor: Well, what about

Me: (Cutting him off) I'm not interested!

Solicitor sulks away......

I have come to a very sad conclusion. It must be so rough going through life not being able to read and the only jobs available to you is Soliciting.......remind me to teach the natives this. Must get education so you are not reduced to soliciting for your wages....