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It's two o'clock in the morning and the realization hits. Anyone that has had one knows......the.......feeling......
Earlier in the week my kidneys had been bothering me. Not enough to slow me down really. I mean, a snail can't go much slower right? Wednesday afternoon hits and the snail that was crawling is brought to a stand still. Back on the couch I go.
The SM and I have a difference of opinion right now. He thinks sugar is not good for me. He thinks sugar is kicking my bahootie and me crashing on the couch Wed and Thurs. proves it! Or so he thinks!!! I AM going to win this one......I digress.
Back to Friday at 2:00 A.M. Earlier in the evening I'd watched a movie on Netflix. Instant movies on Netflix my friends........yeah. Anyway, I watched a movie that made me hate Netflix. It ended in a way I had no idea. Horribly. Tragically. And there was NO WAY I was going to go to bed after watching that cuz.....ya know......shudder. So I fell in love with Netflix again by watching some really stupid comedy until 2:00 in the morning. Time to sneak into bed except wait! I need to visit the washroom. Done. Sneak into bed. Lay there. I need to go visit the washroom. I JUST DID! Yeah, but I feel like I'm going to wet the bed if I don't go NOW!! And then it hits me........NOOOOOOO! Visit the washroom. Drip. Pain, agony. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And then....I remember the pain I've been having in my kidneys.
No problem. I'm a big girl. I'll just call the on call doctor because that is what they are for right? I call and this sleepy voice answers. I tell him, "I need a prescription and I need it LAST WEEK!" Drugs, I want drugs, and I want them now. I know what waiting leads to and there is no way in heck I am reliving that again.
Mr. Sleepy voice tells me he can't give me a prescription and to come into the office in the morning. WHAT? What the heck is an on call doctor for??? You mean he can't see me now? What is the point? Just give me the dang prescription. Nope. Won't do. Okay, so what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Well, there's this lovely pill you can take that will numb that whole working (or lack of working in this case) part of your body.
I jump in the car and drive down the dark streets passing an occasional car or two wondering what they are doing out and about at 2:30 in the morning. I pull into the 'Marts parking lot and get an all over creepy feeling. Keys in between my knuckles ready for weaponry I dash/shuffle into the 'Marts and head to the painkiller aisle where a lovely lady who works nights (bless her heart) helped me find what I am looking for.
And this, is where my story comes to the 'only me' part. Home again I take the meds and then crash on the couch where I lay there all night waiting for morning to come so I can jump in the car again and see Mr. Sleepy very unhelpful voice. I walk in his office and am asked the question........can I give them a sample?
You see, the painkiller has a lovely side effect. It has a dye in it. Don't ask me why but it does and even when you know what is going to happen....peeing bright orange soda is still shocking!
I head to the washroom and after filling a cup, place it on the counter, and in the process of reaching for the lid to cover it knock the dang thing over. Orange soda......BRIGHT orange soda.....all over the WHITE counter top. Did I mention that the washroom was out of paper towels and Kleenex?
I am by now literally in hysterics laughing my head off (I was tired okay? Trust me, it was funny). I get the mess cleaned up and shaking even more from trying to suppress my laughter I walk out of the washroom, hand over my cup with a few orange drips still left, and trying to act dead serious I asked the doctor, "Is this enough?"
I'll never be able to look at orange soda the same.......
Yeah. Wait till you get the meds that actually make you BLEED into the urine. Bright red, spreading blood. Maybe you should take both together, which actually could be quite strikingly colorful. How could you have IGNORED THE SIGNS????? THIS IS SERIOUS. I am going to drive over there and whup your little behind, and you're weak enough, I can do it, too.
ReplyDeleteMy land.
Oh yuck, pain and discomfort. ARGH. I hope that all goes away soon. But in the meantime you do tell a GREAT story my friend. Orange soda and all. Good thing I'm not drinking soda right now or you would've ruined it for me! :)
ReplyDeleteKristen, Umm, I'll take your word for it. As for ignoring the signs.......I wasn't IGNORING! I was in denile. There's a BIG difference!!!
ReplyDeleteGinna, Yeah. Hopefully you can get over this post real quick so that the next time you are handed an orange soda in a glass you don't think of it as a sample. ;)
I'll never be able to see orange soda the same way! Glad you were able to laugh at the spill.
ReplyDeleteum. thanks rachel. now i hate orange soda. i can still love netflix though..since that turned out ok. i will remain neutral on the on call doctor thing. until i need one. then i will hate him. or her. if he..or she...doesn't run right over to my house and fix whatever it is that needs fixing. hey, aren't you supposed to not be eating sugar? well, at least you have taken orange soda out of the picture...for drinking anyway. rachel. i am sorry you have what you have. orange pee and all.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever had brownies laced with methelyne(?sp) blue? Holy cow! At least orange is somewhere in the pee color spectrum, wait until you pee greenish blue! Talk about shocking.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Brian told me about it at the B & G and I've been wincing for you every 3 or 4 hrs since. I am so sorry.
PS- I now know you are a better person than I am...You laughed. I would've swore. :)
Um, uh, i have now lost all taste for orange soda. thank you very much.
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orange--- :)
I'm cracking up too. We do Pee at our house -- in a major way. I have a supply of those special pills, just so you know.
ReplyDeleteChastina, Just think of it as a favor. Orange soda is highly overrated. Rootbeer is far better. :)
ReplyDeleteMisty, Yes, I'm supposed to be off of sugar and I may have snitched a bit.....again.....and so The SM is blaming my going down on that but we all know now that it's an infection! NOT sugar......right?
Natalie, What can I say...I have learned to have a warped sense of humor. I need to to survive what I deal with Levi and now myself. Warped. There's no other word for it. Well, demented.....that fits too. Nope! Never have had the priviledge of peeing blue which would then be green wouldn't it? Cuz blue and yellow......never mind.......
Hanna, You didn't like it anyway right?
Kathy, AAAARGH! I should have known. I could have gotten some from you instead of the creepy 'Marts! It's not like me banging on your door at all hours is unheard of.... :) Next time, I'll remember. So glad to join M. in the pee ranks.
I appreciated the description of your "orange soda pee." Now, everytime I see you, that's what will come to mind....that, and your key knuckles.
ReplyDeleteLyndee, LOL! Out of all of my posts, orange soda pee is what I'll remind you of? :D
ReplyDeleteJody, The problem is we have so many alarms going off and we're madly smacking them all that we're making ourselves black and blue with the effort!
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