Making memories one day at a time.......and then I write about it.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

How to properly wear a scarf

This past summer my close friend Kristen bought me a scarf at the local farmer's market. There was a booth that was full of colorful tie dyed clothing. Shirts, wraps, and these beautiful hand dyed scarves. I fell in love with a flame red, orange, yellow number and secretly behind my back Kristen bought it for me. I have been waiting for the perfect time ever since to wear it. I thought Fall would be the perfect time to be wrapped up in it's colorful splendor.

Last Sunday I was feeling well enough to go to part of church and thought, "today is the day, I want to wear my scarf." I sat in front of the mirror trying it all sorts of different ways but which way? How do you wear a scarf?

A-HA! How did people ever survive without the internet I wonder........I googled, "how to properly wear a scarf" and came up with all sorts of scarf wearing advice. It would seem that I am not the only one who was wondering how to wear the dang things! Aaah, I'm not the only ignorant scarf wanna be wearer out there!

One of the sites I came across was this one. Isn't it just dandy helpful?






And after all of that advice......I still chose to wear it wrong. I wore it "Summer fashion" instead of Fall......I've always been a little rebellious. Shhh, don't tell anyone.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Happy Birthday Geneva!




See this gal? This is my good friend Geneva. Today is her birthday and I want the entire world to know how wonderful she is. Anytime you need it, she's got your back. How do I know this? Anyone who can still be friends with me after I tell them that the flowers they brought me in the hospital look dead......is a true friend.....and to be willing to help me brush my teeth and help wash my hair after such a rude comment...THAT is a true friend......HAPPY BIRTHDAY GENEVA!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Ha Hee Ho HA! Hee Hee oh my......better not let the natives see this one. Especially the younger ones who have Sesame Street pictured on their diapers.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May your turkey be as big as Big Bird!



Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Adhis.....just for you!

Here is the recipe for the Lemon Pound Cake you see pictured above in my header. Adhis has asked for the recipe as have several others so out of the goodness and kindness of my heart........just for you! Cuz I'm nice that way......

Lemon Pound Cake

3 cups flour
3 sticks softened butter (no substitutions--are ya surprised?)
6 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. baking soda
2 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
1 Tablespoon grated lemon peel

Lemon Glaze:

3/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
1 Tablespoon grated lemon peel
powdered sugar (enough to make a glaze-consistency)


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Sift flour and baking soda twice. Set aside.

In a big bowl, blend the butter and sugar, mix well. Add one egg at a time, mixing well after each egg. Then add the 1/2 cup lemon juice and lemon peel.

Add flour and sour cream alternatively to the butter/sugar/egg mixture, ending with the last ingredient being the flour, not the sour cream.

Mix in the vanilla extract.

Grease and flour (I use powdered sugar instead of flour) two 9-inch loaf pans. Bake both of them at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 20 minutes. Test for doneness with a knife.

Remove from pans onto a serving platter or platters. While cakes are cooling mix glaze and then slowly pour over the pound cakes making sure the sides get nice and covered as well as the top.

This one will not only make your eyes roll back into your head but a low moan will escape your lips as you put a forkful in your mouth. I promise. I dare ya to try and eat this without making a sound......

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Answers.........

I've always wondered what my Thanksgiving meal says about me. It has been one of those big questions in life ya know? I am SO glad someone is smart enough to come up with the answers because I have just felt so lost until now. NOW I know! Phew......now I can really dig in and eat Turkey KNOWING what it all means to me!

And here I thought it was just all about getting to the crispy skin first........





What Your Thanksgiving Meal Says About You



When it comes to the holidays, you follow and love the big traditions. You look forward to them every year.



You see the holidays as a time to think about what's important to you. It's a good time to reflect and regroup.



You like the more adult aspects of the holidays - parties, cocktails, and having time off from work.



During the holidays, you are likely to feel comforted. At your worst, you feel a bit over-indulgent.



You consider yourself to be a bit of a purist, and you're proud of it.



You tend to spend you holidays taking care of others. Holidays are one of the times you like to give.




Who ever came up with this one is wrong. Growing up I ALWAYS wanted to be an Indian with a cool name like, "Flying Eagle" or "Running Deer"........not some stupid tight wearing big buckle on my high heel shoe pilgrim....





You Are a Pilgrim



Like the pilgrims, you've felt persecuted for your beliefs from time to time.

You have a strong sense of right and wrong. Your morality sometimes makes you feel out of step with the modern world.



You may not go as far as moving across the world, but you still identify with the pilgrims.

Well, except for the whole stealing land and killing Indians thing.



Further proof this is a scam.......I would totally steal land!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Photography

I love how everyone apologizes for the lighting in their photo's now. "Took it on my cell phone, wasn't able to photo shop the photo......" Meanwhile, I'm looking at their photo's thinking, "what's wrong with the lighting? I don't see a problem. All of my photo's look just like that!"


So, I would like to apologize for the lighting in this photo. I can't blame it on a cell phone. I did use a regular camera but the sun was at the wrong angle. It was outside.......

I didn't have photo shop available.......I have to buy it first........


Friday, November 21, 2008

Reflections




The schools around here do this thing called "Reflections". It is an "art" competition where the children are given a theme, (the theme this year is "Wow") and then told to come up with a project that will be judged. It can be drawing, painting, music, dance, photo, poetry, essays, stories, sculpture,.....anything "artsy".





Last year this native who is helping his baby brother carry his punkin (in this very blurry photo because the batteries in my camera were dying) entered Reflection's by writing an essay which I posted here.


This year he decided he wanted to do something with photography. Since I'm stuck in bed and of no help what so ever I handed over my camera and told him to have at it. The following three photo's are what he came up with.










He took a piece of construction paper, cut it out so it would look like a matt and put all three photo's side by side. Photo's of his baby sister in her Ninja Halloween costume playing basketball with his baseball cap might I add.
The other day I got a message on my answering machine. It said something to the effect of, "Matthew Rubow has won an award for his Reflections entry. Please keep this a secret and don't let him know. There will be an assembly this Friday (today) where he will be given an award."
Ummm, keep it a secret....ya.........I'll work on that since it came blaring across my answering machine twice! The first time the message was left and the second time when I hit "play".
Lucky for the message giver.... the natives were heavily engrossed in a game cube game and were oblivious to the whole thing.
Later that night I asked my baby if he thought he'd won something for his photo's to which he replied, "I don't care, all I care about is I GET A DONUT FOR ENTERING!"
I am so glad he keeps everything in perspective...............

Thursday, November 20, 2008

When life throws lemons at ya......

make lemon pound cake. I know the saying is make lemonade but when I drink lemonade it makes my throat all flemmy and I can't swallow and who can pass up pound cake made from fresh lemons anyway? I obviously can't as my header attests.


A few years ago when Brian and I were in Hawaii with my parents my dad introduced me to "the" perfect ice cream cone. First of all, you MUST start with good ice cream. Can't be any of the cheapy stuff. I know........and I'm sorry......but when it comes to the finer things in life you can't cut corners!


See this shop we're making out in front of? Technically, we weren't "making out". We were making sure all of the ice cream on the corners of our mouths were cleaned off. There's a big diff. okay? Like I'd do that in front of my baby............
The shop is called "Lapperts" and if ever you are in Hawaii.......THIS is the shop you need to go to for ice cream. Promise, you won't be disappointed. When you walk in I realize you will be assaulted by all the many different flavors and you will get all panicky and your palms will sweat. Not to worry. Just walk up to the counter and place this order. "I'd like a dbl. scoop cone please in one of those lovely waffle cones that you have behind you that you made home made that is covered in chocolate. Yes, that is the one. Thank you. Now, if you would please put first a scoop of chocolate and then a scoop of your lemon that would be swell."
This folks.......is what it is all about. Your eyes will roll back into the far depths of your head and a low moan will escape your lips as you devour the perfect blend of ice cream flavors. Promise!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Happy Birthday!


Eleven years ago this little native was born. (Ummm, editor's note: That would be 10. He turned TEN....thank you all of you who pointed this out to this poor natives MOTHER. I promise, I do love him and I DO know how old he is......now that you've reminded me......)
Today he is taking five things to school that represent him.
A stuffed snake (he loves snakes), a piano book, a game cube game, Pokemon, and a Bionicle.
If I had a bag I would put in: a big heart, smiles and dimples, the sound of his laughter, a tender spirit, and a willingness to help others.
I love you! Happy Birthday baby!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

He's sneaky isn't he?




The art of making cookies. One must sample one's batter first.



Preferably when no one is looking.




Hmmm, perhaps a little more sugar....or vanilla?



Chocolate chips with cookie dough smeared all over is the best! Just ask this native....




Monday, November 17, 2008

So what if Thanksgiving is next week....

All right already! I'm a day late and a dollar short. What's new? Not Halloween? Well that is what YOU think. Around here it is Halloween everyday when your mother is a witch! Just ask the natives.



What would we do without grandma's? What is Halloween without sugar?




Grandma helped the natives make sugar cookies.




I would have and all cuz I'm that kind of mom but......




grandma doesn't get to see the natives very often....





and I have loads of sugar baking memories with the natives so........





I let grandma have the memories this time cuz........




I'm really nice that way............



You know.....thinkin' of others and all.




I also decided that I have lots of memories carving pumpkins with the natives so I let grandma have punkin' carvin' memories this year too.



See, the way I figure it. It's been a long time since she's had little ones around.


A down right shame if you ask me so I got to figurin'........



I'd give grandma all the memories I could this visit. Bein' the least I could do........



after all she's done for me over the years.




So I said to myself, "self, you just sit back, get out of the way, and let that grandma have some memories."



So that is zactly what I did!



I got out of the way and let grandma make memories!



And don't you for one second think it's been easy sittin' back lettin' grandma have all the memories with the natives.



I'm just doin' it for her ya know.........



Cuz I'm nice that way. Always thinking of others.



Grandma? You smell that? Man that's bad. Baby native, go with grandma and make some memories! Cuz I'm nice that way............

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Free entertainment

Growing up on the farm out in the boonies, without a television made for some interesting entertainment. What is it with kids in the city or on the farm and hiding from passing cars? I admit we hid for reasons that would later be met with a paddle on our hiney's when caught as I recall in this post but the question still remains. Why is this? What is the fascination with hiding from passing cars as a kid? I can tell you why I hide now as an adult! If you woke up and saw my face every morning you'd be hiding from passing cars too but for kids it seems a universal thing.....or is it just me and my natives.......Maybe I should buy them cable.......


video

Friday, November 14, 2008

If I had to do it all over again.........

I'd do it different. I have decided looking at the bill that I didn't get my monies worth at my spa retreat. I did not come home feeling refreshed and rejuvinated. I came home worse off then when I went in.....well......a few hours before I went in.

So here is what I'd do differently. Have you seen the movie "Overboard" with Goldie Hawn? Next time that is gonna be me. "Oh Phlebotomy boy, now that you are done acupuncturing me I'd like you to rub my feet." "Oh nursey! My pillows are getting stale, I'd like new linens every six hours". "Oh cleaning girl, I do NOT like sitting on a cold toilet seat so I'd like you to make sure it is warm every time I need to go and think." "Oh doc. boy, I don't know what you call this stuff but it is NOT food. Run and fetch me some Costa and hurry up, I'm feeling palpitations in my chest." "Oh physical therapist boy, I'll need a massage and my nails done, manicure AND pedicure and don't make me look tacky!" "Oh head of nursing department, what is with the beauty products in this place. Do not give me that line that they are all organic....no wonder everyone looks like death in this place."

I want a refund

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Fingernails

There are many positive things that have come out of this whole WN experience, one of which is fingernails.

Ever since I was a little girl I'd look at ladies hands and admire their nails. I wanted beautiful nails just like them. I was a pretty rambunctious kid so finger nails and I didn't coexist. When I hit Jr. High and High School I'd look around at all of the city girls' nails and jealousy reared its ugly head.

I'd try to grow them out but life on the farm.....they were always breaking.

As a mother I now sit and look at ladies hands and nails and that old jealousy is still rearing its ugly head. So many ladies out there with nice hands and manicured nails with pretty polish. I try....but within a day the polish is all chipped and the nails broken. I've tried the fakey things but my hands are in water too much or dirt or well.......I have children and animals....my hands have to take care of some dirty things........

Try as I might. I can not grow out my nails until........I get sick. This summer I had great nails. Nice and long and again this past month I have had gorgeous nails. I even painted them recently and not one chip or broken nail.

Today Brian went back to work. I am back in the driver's seat here on the home front. Been at it for about 3 and a half hours now and....the polish on my nails is all chipped and nails are starting to break left and right.

Sigh.......they were nice while they lasted.......I'll take being active and vertical any day over nice nails though......I've decided.......that is........until I go out and about and see all of those beautiful hands and nails and then I know ol' jealousy won't quiet her ugly head. Anybody got a sock I can shove in her face?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Teenagers

I hate it when my teenagers one up me. It isn't fair. I've never done this before. I don't have any guide or rule book. I didn't when they were little but I was able to snow em' better too!

Last night Brennan brought up a movie he REALLY wants to see. "I know", he says, "why don't you and dad watch the movie with me and when it gets to the bad part which is only like five seconds you can fast forward it".

Thinking I'm all that and more I say, "I know, why don't you eat that piece of moldy bread right there, it only has a little bit of mold on it....the rest is just fine."

To which the native replied, "I do. I just cut out the moldy part and eat the rest. It's perfectly fine."

But but but.......punk! I should've said something more drastic like "what if the piece of bread fell in some dog poop"? AND I DON'T FEED THE NATIVES MOLDY BREAD! We were both trying to make a point.....It's the principal of the matter.....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Charades

Last night for our FHE activity we played charades. My MM went around and asked us all secretly to name an animal or a game, etc. He then wrote them down on a piece of paper and later we had fun drawing them out of a jar and acting them out. When it was our babies turn my MM helped them. The youngest baby was supposed to act out playing football which he did with glee and did quite a good job with his daddy. Then it was Levi's turn. My MM took Levi aside and whispered into his ear what he was supposed to act out. Levi then walked into the room and with a big grin on his face started whispering "a puppy, a puppy, a puppy". He was so thrilled when we "guessed" it! That boy never ceases to crack us up.

At dinner before FHE (the two babies sit by each other), the baby tooted. Levi with a mouth jammed packed with food looked at him and said, "thaz gwose".....as food is now hanging out of his mouth and falling onto the table. Levi doesn't know how to take "little bites"....we're still working on that one.........kind of hard though when he does stuff like this and I bust up laughing and my MM sits and shakes his head chuckling......which then gives all of the other natives permission to bust up as well........and Levi sits there with his mouth gaping, food hanging out wondering what we're all about.

Monday, November 10, 2008

A walk in the park

Today I am sending you on a walk. This is my friends daughter's blog. She lives in RI and has been posting photo's of the fall colors. Her photo's are amazing so kick off your shoes, sit back with some hot cocoa, and scroll on down looking at all of the fall photo's she's posted this year. They truly are amazing. You don't need to read it and you can skip over the other non/fallish posts and photo's if you want. Just go on a treasure hunt scrolling scrolling scrolling down and enjoy. Her header alone is breathtaking.

http://lifekunst.blogspot.com/

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Bequeathing love and laughter.

Last night my MM kidnapped me and got me out of the house. The youngest babies were in bed so we left our oldest baby/teenager in charge and went for a drive. The first thing that hit me as I walked out the front door was the smell. I sat there for a few seconds breathing deeply taking it all in. To be outside again. The smell of fall so rich in the air.

We drove. No where in particular. We just drove and talked. It was wonderful. It felt so good to get out of bed and the house. I miss being outside.

My older sister right above me (I have to say it that way because there are so many of us) also has a blog. I talked to her on the phone last night and she told me of a post she'd just written in honor of me. I read it out loud over the phone and I thought the two of us were going to need oxygen we were laughing so hard.

Read it here: http://jacobsonjungle.blogspot.com/2008/11/miffed-and-sniffing.html This is what it is all about folks. Family and laughter. Being with your sisters and laughing through the good and the hard times.

Oh and P.S. Before you get to feeling all sappy and sorry for her....just know there are two sides to every story.......she forgot to mention that I DID bequeath my portable bathroom facilities to her! She kind of forgot to mention that part.......a small over look on her part I'm sure. Sniff!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Confession....another one.

What I am about to tell you you must NOT tell anyone. I will die of mortification. Hold a sec. Mortification....mortuary.......mortician.........is there a connection?

Anyway, I'm holding you to keeping this between me and you. The only reason I'm sharing this with you is so that you'll know you are not alone. Sshhh. I do it too.

Remember the post about the afghan my mother was crocheting? This post? Ya, well. There is another reason that my sweet husband who isn't afraid to let his wife be a baby sometimes cuz he's man enough, put that afghan across my shoulders. He knows my secret and he knows that it is okay to be a baby sometimes cuz he's man enough to have a baby for a wife.

When I was a teeny tiny newborn my mum would sit and watch me take my itty bitty tiny fingers and poke them through the holes in the little blanket covering me. A crochet blanket. I've done it ever since. I can't stand it. My fingers can't keep still if there is a crochet blanket in sight for me to put my fingers through. Believe me I've tried! I've tried to grow up and be mature but I think in Heaven I must have had a crochet blanket it is ingrained in me that deep.

So see? It is okay. I know that when no one is looking you occasionally suck that thumb still or wrap your hair around your fingers and yank. I do it too! We can handle being a baby cuz we're tough enough!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

A watched pot never boils.

While I was in the hospital I was not allowed to go potty without someone right there watching me. I was very weak and my balance was off. I was a bit tipsy shall we say. I won't go into all details but lets just say......having the catheter in some ways was easier but boy was I glad to have it out. It just meant frequent trips to the hootie and I had to bring Odie "my IV pole" along with. The choreography of the whole matter puts anything Broadway does to shame.

Being immobile in bed tends to make things let see...how can I put this delicately....things do not move as well so it was several days before things moved south. When they finally did it wasn't like traffic during midday. It was rush hour traffic. Slow and lots of stopping.

Can I just tell you that it is bad enough being watched when it is a quick wetsy number. But......when it is a traffic jam and you are sitting.......and sitting........and sitting......and the nurse keeps looking at her watch.......and you're sitting........and then you start to giggle........because you're honking your horn more than you're moving......and the nurse doesn't see anything funny.....you don't dare make eye contact so you stare at a spot on the floor giggling......and the nurse gets nervous because giggling makes your balance even more woozy........and finally your sister who is also there trying to keep a straight face tells the nurse, "I've got it covered, you can go do something else." to which the nurse gladly rushes out of the room.........and then you both dissolve in a fit of laughter.

Thank heaven for sisters!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Life on the Farm: Part Six--the end"

Playing tennis or basketball on the dirt “court” was a great teacher in patience.

The value of learning to work on the farm is priceless.

Having a Mom who praised us for work that wasn’t done to her standards takes on new meaning as I have children of my own.

Standing out silently holding the bag of nails, trying to stand just so in the sun, while Dad built the fence brings new understanding as fathers endure “help” from their kids on projects.

After working with dad when his patience was being tried you were left to contemplate whether the sentence, "Son of a" had an ending or if that was it.

Romping through hills playing cowboys and Indians and making forts are treasured memories.

You didn’t need a horse to ride one. All you needed was a big mailbox, oil tank, saddle on a sawhorse, or fence, etc.

If you could lift the wheel barrow more than an inch off the ground, it wasn't full enough.

The art of hauling wood had some very important rules:
- The fewer trips you took, the better.
- If you could see over top of wheel barrow, it wasn’t stacked high enough.
- If you felt wheel barrow start to tip over, don’t try and stop it, but throw it over as hard as you could and use some of that “sailor” language.

The little, manure stream in front of the house in neighbor’s field makes a great substitute font for practicing being baptized, over and over and over again.

Dad really was not proud of you for starting the tractor all by yourself in the barn with the door closed.

A 5 yr old in a mailbox is much scarier than a 3 year old.

When you played baseball with a tennis ball it really went much further, but whoever hit it had to retrieve it out the neighbor’s pasture with the bulls in it.

Well, that is all folks. I hope you enjoyed although I'm afraid a lot of this is, "you had to be there to appreciate" but my sister's and I had a great time coming up with this and then sending it to my poor mother........she really will have many mansions in heaven.........her just surviving raising us made sure of that. We love you mum and dad. Thank you for raising us ladies on the farm. If I could ever change anything in my circumstances today......it would be to give my children what my parents gave to me.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

"Life on the Farm: Part Five"

Waiting for Mom to be served dinner first, no matter how annoying at the time, was one of the greatest teachers in respect.

Watching Mom’s face, after darling daughter demonstrates how to slurp jello and loses snorting it all over Mom, and Dad trying not to split a gut as jello dangled from her eyelashes still goes down in the books as one of our dinner highlights.

Mom’s Sunday dinners were eagerly awaited and coveted now I don’t have them.

Ice skating on a three foot by three foot sheet of ice on the pond was equivalent to skating in the Olympics.

The greatest acts of bravery were when an older sibling went stomping out on said ice to make sure it was safe for younger siblings, all six inches of water.

It was found it was much easier to keep bathing suit free of slime if you removed suit first and then went swimming in the pond.

Sharing doing dishes with another sibling was always more fun than we let on.

If you swore trying to copy an older sibling, you will be caught first.

Every time you swung from the door at the foot of the stairs, Mom or Dad will walk by and nearly get their head knocked off.

The same stairs that were so tiring for Mom and Dad to climb were great for riding down in your pillowcases.

If you sneak Dad’s truck while parents are gone and then try to hide in the front seat when neighbors drive by, they will still know who’s truck is sitting at the “Y” on Old Darby Road.

If you sneak Dad’s truck while parents are gone and drive it to school leaving the lights on, the principle will still know who’s truck it belongs to.

While sneaking the truck while parents are gone does have its finer qualities. When speeding down Highway 93, the police officer just waves and shakes his head.

The panty hose with the onions stuffed in them make great bungy cords. You can launch anything with those suckers.

When children stab huge, disgusting, large squashes in the food storage room with a pencil multiple times, they will go bad.

The balcony on the front of the house made a great place for playing Romeo and Juliet.

The balcony on the front of the house also made a great spot for little sisters to spy on older sisters and their boyfriends.

Monday, November 3, 2008

"Life on the Farm: Part Four"

You can hide a TV and VCR in a basket of clothes. Again, and again, and again.

Listening to “Paul Harvey” on the way to seminary with Dad was the highlight of the day, except Rufus, the Bear stories.

Snitching marshmallows, chocolate chips, cookies, cooking chocolates, etc. from the freezer and seeing how much you could eat before Mom found out was a favorite past time.

If you stick your head between the wall and the freezer, it will get stuck.

The story of a tornado coming and ripping the screen off a window when Mom and Dad are out of town carrying it away was a great cover up story, only adding to our mystery we were playing when we were pretending to be Nancy Drew and cutting the screen off a window to get back in the house.

Filling the exhaust pipe for the bathroom with tomatoes is NOT a good way of showing Mom you loved the tomatoes that she was handing to you through the window, as you were saying, “Mmmmm, these are so good.”

The wooden cross beams on Mom and Dad’s bed are not good trapeze apparatuses when jumping from Dad’s armoire to the bed.

If you ran in and did your business quick enough with a diaper in the toilet, you were sure it just mixed and Mom would never know.

The outhouse was a great place to dump things that we KNEW would be irretrievable and never found again.

Mom’s garage door was more fun than a county fair carnival ride if you hung on to the handle while your sister yanked you up and down.

When cousins came, they were labeled “stupid, city cousins” because they couldn’t run along the fence without falling and scraping themselves to pieces.

Letting your friend call you and leave the phone to ring for 100 times hoping it will “wake up” Mom from the couch never worked.

Listening to “Bill Cosby” or the Jewish records while canning was a much looked forward to event.

Having the food storage room next to one’s bedroom made it extra convenient to enjoy the “fruits” of Mom’s labors and supplied great ammunition for spitting contests to see who could hit the pictures on the other side of the room with cherry pits.

It was more fun to go to the dump with Dad on Saturday morning than staying at home and
doing chores with Mom.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

"Life on the Farm: Part Three"

Pretending you don’t see the dog’s poop in the morning and feigning urgency to get to school, ensures that Mom has to clean it up.

Certain round vegetables shoved up a cow’s nose won’t stay there very long.

No matter how hard you yank on the reins, the horse will continue to turn in circles until you finally give up and let her head home.

Making Midge our horse pass gas walking up and down the driveway was our equivalent of a one, man band. And if you turned the horse just right, Mom was sure to get the full effect of the music.

Having to sit behind the saddle when riding Midge was much worse than being up front where the air was clear.

Braiding the horses tail too high will guarantee it will fall off.

Midge was a good listener if you tied her head close enough to the gate, if she didn’t yank it off the hinges first.

Sunbathing nude on the tin roof will burn you on both sides, although not from the same source.

The tin roof was also a great stage for fashion shows with the clothes in the barrels, which would just “accidently” fly off the roof never to be found again.

Smoking a whole pack of cigarettes behind the barn, trying to blow smoke rings and thinking it
will make you beautiful, will burn your nose, your throat, your mouth, and your lungs, not to mention the horrible case of the “flu”.

And, smoking plain grass and hollow tubes of paper is not quite the same as what other people say when they smoke grass and will result in terrible coughing fits, and younger sister not being very impressed.

Hiding in the top of the blanket closet in the upstairs bathroom isn’t as fun when you get stuck in there when dad has to use the bathroom. You had to lay as quiet as a mouse knowing if Dad caught you, you’d be dead.

Running downstairs to “shave” with Dad is much more fun than trying to do it on your own and realizing later that Dad took the blade out of the razor.

Playing sardines and hiding in the laundry in the laundry room was the favorite place to be.