Recently this was posted on a support group that I go to with children who have AHC like my Levi
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
We've been in Holland for several years now. There has been a lot of sight seeing along the way and once again, we are ready to do some more in the form of "potty training". Wish us luck. I'll keep you posted as to how this part of our trip goes. It may be a short side trip or a major detour......we're hoping it is just a short one.......with my health, I'm not up for too much excitement.
Wow, that was a beautiful and very insightful explaination. I loved it! Each of us is on a "trip" and I know most of us probably have side trips we didn't plan on or never quite get to the "destination" we were planning on. Shoot, how'd I end up in Italy AGAIN???? I thought I was done with that! LOL But I know most of us don't have the "trip" change scenery so drastically. But it's good to remember to take a look as there IS beauty wherever the trip ends up going. Thanks again for sharing that! And good luck on your new journey. I've been trying with Xander and he just says, "No, you can change me!" *Sigh* All in good time! :D
ReplyDeleteIt's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy....I love that part. I loved all of it. I read this a while back...it is different reading it now, thinking of you and Levi and your family. Interesting, you can't make anyone understand Holland unless they themselves go to Holland. It is helpful to hear about a place and read about it and know someone from that place...but you don't know a place until you have spent time there. Real time. Because time is the factor isn't it?
ReplyDeleteVery much so! Time......
ReplyDeleteBoth of you (Diana and Misty) are right. We're all on different trips and if I didn't have Levi I'd think that was a nice explanation but I wouldn't quite "get it". You have to go to your own "Holland" to understand "Holland" what ever that may be. This could apply to so many different things.
Good luck on the potty training Diana. I have found chocolate chips to work quite well. Child makes an oops and I eat an entire bag....... :D
Let me know if you want the notes I took from the proclaimed potty training queen. She works for USOE and does trainings for kids with autism. It looked like a really solid plan to me.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the training--such a challenge, period!
ReplyDeleteAnd I really liked that little article. Metaphors are so helpful. And it's so interesting to think about how different our lives and experiences are. It's easy to think we sympathize or understand someone until we're there. Then it's a whole different story. :)
Good luck my dear!
ReplyDeleteI loved that article!! It is so true and if anyone gets it, its definitely me:) We are somewhat on the same journey. Good luck with the potty training. We hope to one day have Hunter potty trained as well. Until then, I will just press forward.
ReplyDeleteYes, Chrystal you would get this article.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, the way things are going, Hunter will be potty training in a year!!! :D
It was a beautiful piece of writing, and a very wise bit of seeing. And you already knew it, because you have taught me that very thing from about day one. Actually, I think pretty much we have found that you do a lot of country hopping these days - and none of them were the planned destination. I wonder what happened to that place?
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