Who ever invented this little handy diddy obviously does not have children......boys more specifically.
I have issues with toilet paper. I have ever since I can remember. I am a toilet paper snob.
When I was little and we would go and visit my grandmother, she would always give us the toilet paper lecture. Only three squares! That's all! Being little, and having toilet paper issues this didn't make me happy. From the beginning of potty training time I knew the purpose of toilet paper. It is a huge wadded up barrier between skin and what is being wiped up. I did not/do not want skin to come in contact with said need to be wiped up mess which my boys from time to time have turned into Picasso works of art as they sit in what I can only imagine is boredom. Why else would they even entertain such a disgusting form of art......hence.....not understanding the contraption pictured above. (Note: Art work in this form is quickly shut down and is done by boys when they are young--I do need to save my boys' dignity from time to time--they can't help having me for their mother.)
I can remember sitting in my grandma's bathroom in a quandry holding those three tiny squares of toilet paper and wanting soooo bad to take some more. Oh, if I could just steal even two more squares! Somehow in my little twisted mind I had images of my grandma with a spy camera counting each and every square as I pulled it off of the roll. I was just sure she had some way of knowing if I took more than my three squares and would yell through the door if I attempted to take more. And so......I hated to go potty at grandma's house.
As an adult in my own home I accept nothing but the best. I want the softest most thickest and I wad enough up on my hand like a pro boxer getting ready for the ring.
The other day I was at a store and needed to use the biffy. As I sat there pulling on the tissue paper I was transported back to my grandmother's bathroom. I call it tissue paper. Next to toilet paper it looks starved!
As I pulled on the tissue it kept breaking. I couldn't even get enough to wrap around my hand once! Pull....rip.....pull......rip.......pull.......rip. After pulling confetti for a few minutes I held up a piece and realized that the tissue was actually perforated every so often. About three squares in length. Then I realized something terrible. I WAS back in my grandmother's biffy reliving the horror of only THREE SQUARES all over again.....
If you do not believe in those who have gone on speaking from the grave belive you me, if ever there is proof I had it that day. Who ever made that tissue paper had my grandmother drumming in their ears....."only three squares...only three squares....only three squares...."
I need that. I want that.
ReplyDeleteToilet paper?
ReplyDeleteShut up Napoleon and go feed Tina!
ReplyDeleteUhhmmmm...the thing *I* notice about the picture is this...if you have to take a dump, are we really taking the time to stop, unplug the iPod, and then plug it in? And do we actually want the docking station next to where our kids are? Because the problem with kids, especially, is that they are not too specific. They figure as long as they hit something, its a score. I'm thinking if you have time and inclination to plug that sucker in, going to the restroom may not be your biggest problem...
ReplyDeleteI dislike using most public restrooms. How do they expect you to use the tissue paper without using about half the roll when it is that thin?
ReplyDeleteThree squares? Ahh! I would die! The rule at our house (maybe my mom will disagree) was: don't plug the toilet! And yes, from time to time that happened, and I blame every time on Charlotte. Sorry Char.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I feel the same way in store bathrooms. I mean, I pay Target so much money, you'd think they could have a little bit nicer situation there??!?
My mom was telling me the other day that she remembers a time when you had to pay 10 cents to use public restrooms. She said they would pay ten cents and have someone stand gaurd at the door (so it wouldn't shut) so that all of us kids could go potty for 10 cents--what a deal! I don't remember it... Then again, I wasn't the one forking out the big bucks then!
ReplyDeleteMe to. All of it. At Guy's house, it was "The plumbing is old. The plumbing will back up." And I got the impression we weren't to use ANY toilet paper at ALL. Not only that, but I pretty much got it that she was talking to me, since the problem always happened ONLY when we were there, and it couldn't have been her perfect son (who can go though a roll a day easy, which is more than anybody wanted to know). So yeah Not my grandmother's house, but my mother-in-law's. Now you tell me - which one is scarier?
ReplyDelete