Image from Linearity of Expectation (LoE) Blog
The bathroom, the hooty, the biffy. What ever you want to call it. It's not safe. Hasn't been for 16 years. It has a lock on it's door. Doesn't matter. A lock means nothing when a child wants in.
You can tell the ages of The Natives by how they react when I'm in the bathroom. My sixteen year old has learned that no matter what, if a bathroom door is closed and there might be even the slightest possibility that I'm in there he bangs on the door for a good ten minutes.......just to be sure because he's made the mistake of not one too many times and he will be in therapy for the rest of his life over it. "Look son what you have to look forward to! You're gonna marry someone who is eventually gonna look just like me. Evil cackle" Motherhood......it's a beautiful thing.
My fourteen year old, always comes barging in and then yells at me for not locking the door. The door being closed means nothing to him. Knocking hasn't entered his teenage gremlin brain. It is still my fault somehow. Past experience has taught me, he'll soon be knocking on the door for ten minutes......just in case.
My 12 year old doesn't knock either. He yells. "You in there mom"? He wants to hear proof and the off times when he forgets and comes barging in the shades of red he turns and the lightening exit he makes, makes you wonder why when he turns fourteen this will still somehow be my fault.
My eleven year old knocks as he is barging in and then falls into a fit of giggles. He thinks it is funny. He's not going to be thinking it is funny in a few years.....and it will be......my fault. But for now, it's hysterical.
My 9 year old is a girl so it's okay. Sort of. She looks everywhere but at me. It's amazing how many interesting things there are on the ceiling in the bathroom. If I talk to her she'll quickly glance at me and then her eyes travel back to that interesting spot on the ceiling. She's been having nightmares lately.......me too..... so we both try not to look at me and concentrate real hard on connecting the dots between the flecks of fly poop on the ceiling.
My almost eight year old is Levi and well........let's just say there is no such thing as privacy for anybody with Levi around.
My baby who is turning five this year GASP! Brings up the rear. Literally! I don't care if the door is locked and sealed. He enters and expects you to GET OUT cuz he's gotta go. Doesn't matter what you are doing in there, doesn't matter if the sign says "Occupied", pick yourself up and get out! To which we usually do........because normally at this point there is a dance going on that Sammy Davis Jr. can't hold a candle to.
LOL! I love it! What a great description of what happens. I can only imagine how my kids are going to be as they become teenagers thanks for the heads up.
ReplyDeleteYeah? And what about the 40 year old. What does he do?
ReplyDeleteJody, It's an adventure for sure and the four legged critters aren't to be left out either. I've had many a one push on the door that I thought was shut only to have them seconds later peering at me like, "WHUUUUUT"? As the door they've just pushed open is.....now wide open......
ReplyDeleteChastina, You think they grow out of it when they're little but no. Never fails. You even look at that direction and all of a sudden all of your Natives will be dancing and holding themselves because they have to go NOW!
Sarah, Do you really need me to answer that............? :)
Rachel, You.crack.me.up! My oldest will join your eldest in therapy- maybe we can get a 2 for one deal!
ReplyDeleteLoved it. Thanks for the laugh!
Oh this is so true. And we only have ONE bathroom. It's been that way ever since Max was toilet trained. And it drives me nuts. It would be nice to have a bathroom where I didn't have to watch for weird things going on all the time--toys in strange places--bathtubs full of strange cups. Cups full to the brim of water just waiting to fall on the unsuspecting...etc...etc.
ReplyDeleteBut the worst is that as soon as one of the adults goes in there it inspires the little guy. I HATE being interrupted with his urgent business. It's just not fair.
We'll get another bathroom one of these days. I'm going to insist on it!
Natalie, It's the least we can do for them right? And while they're in therapy we'll stand outside their door and do a potty dance.
ReplyDeleteGinna, Has he started sending you notes under the door yet? That's another favorite of mine......It's not good enough to yell through the door, they have to send me notes. :)
No notes YET, but I'm sure that'll start soon enough.
ReplyDeleteoh, and another thing--I just can't stop thinking about this obviously--do the kids start yelling at you as soon as you go in there? Like they're busy doing something until that door closes and then as soon as you're in there it's something so urgent that it just can't wait?
Argh.
I. am. speechless...I have no speech.
ReplyDeleteLaughter? I've got a TON of that!
Ginna, It's like a candy wrapper. As soon as the door closes no matter how sneaky you are......it triggers something in their pee brains ( :D ) and they come running.
ReplyDeleteMr. Z, Wish The Natives were speechless.....sometimes.....
We have 2 bathrooms but one is haunted or something because no one will ever use it... until I decide to. Then suddenly it's THE place to be. (or the place to PEE...)
ReplyDeleteI used to stash my treats in the bathroom closet behind the towels but the kids figured me out. Apparently you can figure out all sorts of happenings from the crack beneath the bathroom door.
Gerb, LOL! Me too! My stash was in the bathroom but they ALWAYS caught me so I have since moved mine.....apparently where yours is. :D
ReplyDeleteTOO FUNNY! We have a little wall that my kids sort of hide behind and try to hold conversations from behind. Or Lawson, if I've managed to remember to lock the door, will lie down on the floor and yell at me from "the crack." "Hey, Mom!" (Usually I'm in the shower.) "What?" "Does this shirt match these pants?" Ummmm.....whaaaa??
ReplyDeleteLori, LOL! That is my favorite. When I'm "busy" or in the shower and The Natives want me to look at something or get something for them........ummmm......yeah! The worst is when my youngest does HIS business in another bathroom and is yelling for me to come and wipe his behind.
ReplyDeleteRachel--haha...fortunately I'm past the whole hiney wiping stage...
ReplyDeletei know...I keep telling christopher I won't be there in kindygarden to wipe him...he needs to learn how to himself. According to the laundry he's pretty good.
ReplyDeleteA story you will appreciate:
I am the oldest of 6 kids. We always keep the bathroom door closed so the baby doesn't fall in the toilet. (or something like that). so you lock the door when you are doing your business.
While hanging out at my friend's house (only child), I see the bathroom door closed and start to open it. Her dad says, "No, I"m in here!" Oopps. Apparently the door is open if the john is available at their house. Luckily I didn't see anything, but was embarrassed to say the least.
Marseille, LOL! Sorry. But that is too funny. I'd have died myself. Oy Vey!
ReplyDelete