Handcuff me and put me in animal cruelty prison.

All morning yesterday I stewed but when it came down to it I opted to be labeled the horse eating flesh disease of all diseases. I didn't take my dogs............

I debated and I tried. I really did but when I'd look at that estimate and see that it "could" cost me between five hundred to a thousand dollars to remove plaque and who knows what all else from my dogs pearly yellow canine teeth...........I couldn't do it.

I'm a loser. I know. I have worn that title proudly for years and if this confirms it then may it be stamped in bronze and put on my front door along with all of the other titles that I have acquired over the years.

For all of you dog lovers out there who have dogs named "Fifi","Princess", and "Fiona" and you coordinate your outfits to match your dogs so that the two of you can go and get your nails done together and your leashes have their names on them in rhinestones and not only do you pay for their dental work but you make sure if they do need any of their teeth capped they are done in gold..........go ahead, call the doggie animal cruelty police. I'm sitting here all handcuffed ready to go.

Or.........you could just come and take my dogs.......I'm sure they wouldn't mind being named some flufferbutter name, having their nails manicured instead of worn off in the mud and dirt, their hair cut on a regular basis instead of when they are so full of burs and matted from playing in the ditch, and having a leash with their names in rhinestones instead of the tangled up rope that Levi keeps stealing so we have to find another piece of tangled up rope and label it a leash.

I'm sure they would love having you cut up and feed their doggy food to them with a silver spoon in stead of having to shove their snouts into what ever bowl looking round object we can find at the time to pour their dried up hard doggy food in, matching strollers so that they do not have to walk on their tired feet as Levi does run and drag them all over this huge property of less than a quarter acre only to have to suffer the indignity of not having a bed of their own to lie on at night but the ends of my punks beds.

Yes, please please take the dang dogs and while you're at it could you please take the rabbit, the cat, and the bird? I'd tell you to take the fish, the guinea pigs, the turtle, and the lizard's but sadly......I didn't take them to the vet to have their dental work done so they have all died periodontal deaths and are now in animal heaven poking their voodoo dolls that look like me to get back at me.