I've a story to tell..........

and it's a good one!

Several years ago I came across an invention that made my world rock. I was SO excited and felt that all of my problems would be solved as long as no one found out the secret of this invention. I was in the mall one day and came across these silicone thingys that you shove in your bra and voila! One who is less endowed can now wear clothes with darts in them where something should be but in my case wasn't so it was just loose bunchy fabric.

I bought a pair of those suckers and I doubt I even brought the packaging home. I'm sure I ripped em right out of the box, shoved them in my bra, and went trouncing around the mall with a smug look on my face.

The problem with wearing these things is that you start to get paranoid and feel like you can't just run out to the mail box and mail your mail without a bra and those suckers in now because "oh no, people will realize I'm actually flat"! As if people are walking around sizing each other up everyday.... "hey, did you notice that yesterday Rachel was a bit more voluptuous than today? I wonder what happened"?

I think it stemmed back from when I was in 7th grade and all of the girls were starting to develop and apparently my switch malfunctioned and the developing crew went on strike and development never happened. I didn't want to be left out though so I wore a training bra which puzzles me to this day. Why is it called that? What exactly is being trained?

Anyway, we were in P.E. and earlier that morning I had stuffed cotton balls in my training something bra. A girl who's crew had been hard at work for quite some time so did not appreciate the plight I was in made the comment in passing, "a little bigger today Rachel?" I of course was mortified, ran into the locker room, yanked out the cotton balls, and threw them in the trash.

I've matured over the years. I went from cotton balls to silicone faky thingys.

Bathing suit season came around and horrors of horrors I couldn't exactly wear my bra under my suit and it didn't have one built in so if I wore my suit like usual then the entire world would know I was flat! Smugly I figured I had this one under wraps! I'd just put those suckers in my suit and no one would know.

I was out gardening one day and decided to wear my suit with shorts over the top so I could get some sun while I worked. I was working madly away bent over pulling weeds when plop! Out dropped one of my fakeys onto the ground at my feet. I quickly snatched it up and stood up to see if anyone had noticed clutching the thing with both hands to my belly. It was then that I realized that I could feel something squishy under my suit on my belly that wasn't normally there. I pulled my hands away only to hurry and put them back again running hunched over into my house giggling my head off.

When I got inside I yanked out the other fakey that had slipped down to my belly button and threw the fakey's where I'd thrown the cotton balls years ago.........in the trash.

I of course am even more mature now and am accepting of my lack of voluptuousness because I realize I have something that big bazoombaed women don't have. I can sleep on my belly quite comfortably which encourages wet slobbery drool on my pillow.